DAMMAM — Spinsterhood is a growing dilemma in Saudi society and is reaching dangerous levels. Those who do not get married, either by choice or due to other factors, are entering the world of the unknown. Social experts are warning against the negative consequences of spinsterhood and its negative impact on society. Some people say the solution is in increasing awareness, while others say promoting the benefits of early marriage could solve this problem. The main problem lies sometimes with parents who refuse to allow their daughters to get married because they want to be in control of their daughters' salaries. Other parents exaggerate when it comes to paying dowry. Nahed, a Saudi woman speaking to a local daily, said that spinsterhood only became a social problem recently. Grooms sometimes overdo it by trying to throw a big wedding, even if he was unable to financially bear the cost of the wedding. She said, “Some fathers are simply greedy and want to put their hands on the dowry, which initially belongs to the daughter. They exaggerate by asking for a huge amount. Another problem is the cost of weddings, where families over demand. At the end, grooms prefer to be single and brides become spinsters. Psychological difficulties then increase in society and Saudi women end up marrying non-Saudis.” Heba, 39, said she blames her father for her not getting married. She said, “My father is very picky, always asking about the groom's background and his family line. After meeting my father, the groom becomes confused and ends up leaving and canceling the marriage proposal. My father lives in the dark ages, when it comes to the way he thinks. He is racist and thinks that he is better than everybody.” M. Hamad said she did not get married because all men who proposed to her wanted her salary. “I want a decent man with good morals and religion. I want him to respect me for who I am,” she added. “Men these days ask for women's hand in marriage when they are unemployed because they want to live on her salary. Some men want to marry working women to help them financially. Above that, they want to spend a lot of money on weddings, which is unnecessary.” Alya'a said a working woman does not stand in the way of marriage. She said most women delay marriage intentionally because they want to complete their education. After completing their education, some women find that they are not wanted for marriage. She added, “It is the same with men, they delay marriage because they want to establish themselves only to find out that they are old and still cannot bear the cost of marriage.”
‘Spinster,' a term that needs to be changed Yaser Abdullah Al-Adl, consultant at a family development center in Dammam, said that being called a spinster is a form of psychological aggression against women. He called on social specialists to come up with a different expression that is less aggressive like “late for marriage”. He said that this term would be socially accepted amongst women. He said, “Late marriage made many spinsters desperate and asking for husbands even if they were just divorced to escape from staying single. The economic factor and tradition in choosing a future husband made the marriage experience a terrifying one. The latest statistics revealed there are nearly 1.5 million spinsters in Saudi Arabia.” Al-Adl said that “we need to take a tough stand so this number does not increase and businessmen should come up with investment projects that would benefit marriages.” Awareness campaigns should be increased amongst society. He said, “Polygamy should be accepted in our society to help develop a healthy society and family.”
Positive ways to increasing awareness is needed Nora, a Saudi spinster, said satellite channels and magazines destroyed the morals of many youth. They cannot establish a family. She added, “The image projected by these satellite channels is that beauty is limited only to blondes and color eyed women. What we need is more awareness seminars and we need to find charitable societies that help young men and women get married and provide them with the financial support needed to establish a family. Society and government should work together to fight spinsterhood.” The age of spinsterhood is different from one country to another Social experts said spinsterhood age is different from one country to another in the Arab world. In villages and rural societies, if a girl is 20 years old then she is considered a spinster. On the other hand, in a civilized society, a girl is considered a spinster if she reaches the age of 30. The way girls perceive marriage in villages is different from those who live in cities. Women in cities put education and establishing themselves in a job as their priority before thinking of marriage.
Do some girls exaggerate when it comes to specifications? Kholoud Mahmoud, a Saudi private sector employee, said she does not believe that there is a problem for women to get married at an older age. She said, “Some girls exaggerate when it comes to characteristics of their future husbands. They want him to be handsome, rich or holding an important position. There are women who exaggerate when it comes to rejecting a good groom for the reason of completing her education. As for polygamy, it is permissible in Islam and it helps in reducing the number of spinsters. At the same time, equality between wives is a required condition and also to be able to financially spend on more than one home.”
