Parents often coerce their sons into marriage by citing traditional views that see marriage as a means to achieving wisdom and maturity.
Parents hope their sons will learn valuable life lessons from their future spouses, but marriage is a union of two minds and when a partner is coerced into marriage that union is hard to sustain and such marriages are doomed to fail.
Family counselors and experts say that parents should play a positive and constructive role with regard to choosing a life partner for their sons and daughters. Children should be provided with both material and moral support and should never be coerced into marriage, Al-Riyadh daily reported. Farhan Al-Anzi, a noted family counselor and dean of the Faculty of Education at Hail University, said marriage serves several purposes, such as building a family and realizing biological, social and psychological needs of an individual.
“Thinking about marriage at a young age is deemed as one of the requirements of sound mental and physical growth. For an ideal married life, numerous social and economic requirements need to be fulfilled, and most important among them are finding a suitable life partner, achieving mental, moral and material preparedness, acquiring physical fitness and reaching maturity,” he said.
Al-Anzi said forced marriages are a major factor behind the Kingdom's high divorce rate. “Parents and other family members should encourage young men and women to get married at an appropriate time and provide them with tips that will help them lead a happy and blissful married life. This can happen by helping them choose a partner with mutual consent and extending them mental and material support,” he said while adding that if a young man is unable to take a decision on marriage or he is under pressure to get married, then it is ideal to delay the marriage to avoid a negative outcome.
Fahd Al-Amer, another family counselor and head of the counseling unit at Wifaq Society of Hail, said if a young man fulfills most of the requirements of marriage, namely he is mature, has a job, has a house and is of sound mental and physical health, parents should help him get married and support the couple financially so they can build a successful married life.
Al-Amer noted that some parents hasten to get their sons married if they notice unwanted behavior or see them engaging in unsuitable relationships. “In cases where bad behavior is observed, parents think ‘marriage will make our sons wiser' but such thinking is based on the wrong assumption that men need women to rein them in. Moreover, it is a challenge to their masculinity,” he said.
Saud Al-Fareeh, an academic, said a father has no right to force his son into marriage as such unions often end in failure and unleash a multitude of problems.
“Parents should not wield force on their sons with regard to their marriage,” he said.
Fahd Al-Adeem, a retired teacher, emphasized the need for parents to establish close relationships with their children. “Parents should deal with their children in a gentle and affectionate way and try to address their problems by listening to them. Parents should develop some sort of friendship with their grownup children and address their concerns when taking crucial decisions affecting their life such as marriage,” he said.
Hussein Al-Fareedi, supervisor of Islamic awareness program and imam of Al-Laheedan Mosque in Hail, said a young man should marry when he is ready physically and mentally.
“In Islam, marriage is obligatory for a young man if he is afraid of falling into illicit relationships, and parents have to support a couple in meeting wedding expenses,” he said, quoting a Hadith (Prophet's saying) in this regard.
“O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes sexual desires,” said the Prophet (peace be upon him).
