Dalia Gazzaz Al-Hayat My little daughter often asks me: “Mom do you love dad?” I always answer: “Of course I do.” She continues: “Does he love you?” I say: “Yes, but why do you ask?” She replies: “To be sure that you will never divorce each other.” Despite her young age, my little daughter repeatedly warns me and her father against divorce because it will make her very sad. The same questions are repeated from time to time although by different methods, and they always end with the same warning against divorce. The idea of divorce frightens my daughter. She understands divorce to be a final separation and that her parents will no longer be together. For her, a family means a father and a mother living together under the same roof. She cannot imagine a life away from the two of them. My daughter has expressed her sadness several times over the divorce of the parents of her friend. If these are the sentiments and fears of a child who has not experienced divorce before, what are the feelings of children whose parents have divorced? Divorce causes children emotional pain and suffering. After divorce, the shape of the family, which children have known, changes forever, and they may feel that they are heading toward the unknown. They may ask: Will my parents divorce me too? The children of divorced parents feel that they are vulnerable and weak because they do not have the power to change their status quo. They may be confused and distracted. Some of them may feel guilty believing that they are the main cause of divorce. The anger and sadness of children over the divorce of their parents may cause them various psychological illnesses including depression. Divorce may sometimes be a solution for marital problems, but many parents do not consider the interests of their children when they take the decision to divorce. They consider divorce a battle from which one of them will emerge victorious. In the process, parents seem to be oblivious to the harms that may befall their children as a result of their divorce. Another detrimental aspect of divorce may be the attempt of one of the parents to win the support of the children. According to psychologists, this is one of the worst consequences of divorce for children. Another problem that the family may face after divorce is the issue of child custody. We have no clear family affairs law in Saudi Arabia. Many women have been deprived of their right to the custody of their children because they were not considered by the courts to be qualified enough to live independently or to provide for their children. The chances of a divorced wife, with custody of her children, getting married again are very slim if not actually nil. Many fathers will not accept leaving their children with their ex-wives when they remarry. They do not like the idea of another man looking after their children while they are still very much alive. Social norms and traditions may make it impossible for the divorced couple to meet again to discuss their common problems or the future of their children. Whichever parent has custody of the children will raise them according to his/her own beliefs. On the occasion of International Family Day, which was observed on May 15, the Family Safety Program launched an initiative aimed at reducing the harm that divorce does to children. The initiative was also aimed at increasing society's awareness of the rights of children after divorce. According to the initiative, the divorced couple can agree on a plan to make their separation peaceful and devoid of conflict. The couple may agree on which of them is most eligible to have custody of the children. They can also agree on visitation rights. In this case, the divorce will be more civilized. The least we can do for children is to make sure that divorced parents have not become enemies.
