Muhammad Abdullah was not happy with his wife so he decided to separate from her. Since then, however, he claims that she has continually tried to malign his character with the families of women he has tried to marry. Muhammad's ordeal appears to be the case for many other men, who also claim they have been the victims of character assassinations by their former wives. Ahmad Abdul Rahman, a divorcee, says that malicious campaigns of ex-wives against their former husbands can harm children and threaten their future. When he decided to separate from his wife, he sat down with his children and explained to them that the divorce was a mutual decision and that they were no longer able to get along. Rahman says that his children understood this. “When I divorced my wife, she started spreading rumors about me in every neighborhood.” He says this started affecting his daughters and they often disagreed with their mother's behavior. He also argues that this behavior could harm their chances to get married, because young men may not want to propose to young women whose fathers have bad reputations. “Divorced couples should not resort to such malicious campaigns and should be farsighted enough to see that this can affect the future of their children, whether they are boys or girls. They should refrain from publicizing their differences for the sake of their children.” Hatred Another divorcee, Saleh, also agrees that children are affected by such behavior. “In fact, I'm speaking from my own experience. When I tried to look for another wife, my ex-wife started bombarding these families with telephone calls distorting my image and depicting me as a devil. I wonder in whose interest is this? I could have hit back but I always remembered that my children would be affected by such unfair campaigns in the long run,” he says. Ex-wives speak Some ex-wives say that they have never resorted to such behavior and accused their former husbands of abuse. Yasmin says: “Despite all the suffering and agony he caused me, I have never ever resorted to this. He had mistreated me which made our life hell. At that point, I thought divorce was better than continuing that kind of false life. Some ex-wives speak about the negative qualities of their husbands to save other innocent women from falling into the same trap.” Children's view Hana Muhammad says: “I love my parents very much and I tried hard to prevent them from separating, but all my efforts were in vain. After the divorce, I chose to live with my mother. My father accepted this, but differences between him and my mother started erupting, to the extent that the fallout reached my mother's family. I always tried to make her understand that regardless of the differences between them, this will not affect the fact that he is my father, that I carry his name and that I have to respect him. This shows that children pay a high price for the differences between husband and wife.” Shadi says: “My parents separated several years ago. But they have never stopped gossiping and speaking about the reasons for their divorce. This has affected me psychologically to such an extent that I isolated from my friends and relatives. Divorced couples should respect their children and refrain from speaking in public about the reasons that led to their separation because this will destroy and undermine the future of their innocent children.” Psychological consequences Commenting on the psychological impact of divorce on children, Dr. Abdullah Al-Hariri, a family counselor says: “Men and women are equally affected by divorce but to different degrees. The separation process is not easy for both parties especially when couples have children. Divorce is the result of several factors including emotional incompatibility, a factor that leaves them no option but to separate.” About malicious campaigns carried out by ex-wives against their former husbands and their impact on children, he says it is the role of the media to drive awareness campaigns to enlighten families about these issues. Psychological treatment Muhammad Al-Zubaidi, a family counselor, says many couples speak about their love for each other, but do not really understand what real love is. “Society should understand that love is not just words but deeds that should be reflected in the behavior of couples in dealing with each other. Love is selflessness and sacrifice. In other words, partners should give as much as they get.” Most times people divorce because one party thinks that he or she loves and sacrifices for the other party. At this point a couple need to be advised by a family counselor to put them back on the right track and to explain to them how to lead a proper and happy life. Couples who resort to insulting each other should realize the impact of this behavior on their children, who are not to blame but have to bear the consequences of their parents' differences and feuds. Dr. Ahmad Al-Moura'iy, a member of the teaching staffing at the Faculty of Shariah at Umm Al-Qura University says that character assassinations are impermissible in the Shariah and are considered a quality of hypocrisy. He referred to the Prophet's Hadith saying that one of the qualities of a hypocrite is that if he quarrels with his brother Muslims, he exceeds the bounds which is applicable to any of the couples who distort the image of either party. So Muslims should refrain from maligning each other's reputation. – Okaz/SG – Na'eem Tamim Al-Hakeem also contributed to the report. __
