THE increasingly high costs associated with Saudi weddings have become a heavy burden on families as they are expected to present costly gifts and foot the bill for lavish ceremonies. What should have been a personal hour of dreams, slowly turns into a series of nightmares in the future just because the families did not reign in the costs or believed in the maxim of living up to the Jones (imitating others just because they are doing it). Weddings should be a personal and families' choice of how they would want to celebrate it. If the families managed to hold the wedding within their means than the couple can get off to a good start and plan a rosy future. But such is not the case as many families just wait to outdo others, without realizing that they are planting a seed for future marital discord. Money, which generally is a boon in any marriage, can be its bane too. The lavish weddings could be a precursor to a future issue — marital disputes. Experts say that this is possible as the current weddings are extravagant. The cost of the entire wedding has to be shouldered by the groom or his father and this often means they have to take out loans, which keeps them in near perpetual monetary constraints and become one of the reasons for future rows in marriage. According to consultant psychiatrist and family counselor Dr. Khaled Al-Ghamdi, some families are often so keen on maintaining a certain image that they resort to borrowing money just to appear rich. “Some people imitate others to the extent that they have to borrow money so they can appear rich. This imitation is caused by a psychiatric condition known as inferiority complex. This is a serious psychiatric malady that affects many people without them knowing it. Such people are frustrated because they feel inferior, lack confidence and self-esteem,” he said. “This phenomenon has become increasingly widespread in our society, with each one trying to better the other to maintain the image that they are either richer or equally rich as the other. It is due to this reason why families take out loans to buy costly gifts and compete against one another for prestige. “They imitate one another through deviant practices that our conservative society is not accustomed to,” he added. Psychological pressure According to Dr. Al-Ghamdi, part of the problem is that people judge each other's social standing based on the gifts they give at weddings and that means the more expensive the gift, the more that person is considered superior as far as his/her social standing is concerned. “Social class is ascribed to when presenting gifts and other items is concerned. This is prevalent in many families. A marriage is evaluated according to the gifts that the women give, whatever their price. They then reciprocate and give gifts of the same value. If the gift presented is in thousands of riyals, they reciprocate with gifts of the same value and sometimes even more,” he said. Dr. Al-Ghamdi said exchanging gifts has a wonderful effect on the recipients but if it is done to compete with others and show off one's social clout, it has a negative effect. “Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) encouraged an exchange of gifts, but not in this materialistic manner that does nothing but increase psychological pressure on others. “What is taking place at present in Saudi society creates differences between couples and the result is discord and resentments, which in turn lead to divorce and separation. Instead of creating a new family, we destroy a big family,” he added. Family burden Marital and family relations consultant Amer Al-Asmari said marriage expenses have become a heavy burden on new husbands and fathers, as they are unable to meet the costs associated with such commitments. “According to the Shariah, it is recommended to reduce all burdens in marriages and the opposite is happening. What we see today among women in presenting gifts is pure extravagance. This violates the Shariah because gifts are not for showing off. Gifts are for hearts to come closer and deepen love. When the Prophet (pbuh) recommended the exchange of gifts, he did not mention the value of the gift because a gift is something symbolic and simple.” Al-Asmari advised women to select gifts that are of reasonable value and added that marriages should not be a financial burden on anyone. Half of your life's work is done with a good start in a marriage. And this can be achieved by having a personal non-extravagant wedding that would give the couple the right start in their life.
