Diamonds, jewelry, chattels, trinkets and hard cash - can all this compensate infidelity? Many men think they can ease the pain caused and help to make amends. “My husband uses his wealth to compensate me for his betrayals. In the beginning, I did not realize why he was showering diamond jewelry on me sporadically. I thought this was his way of expressing love,” remarked Umm Wiyan, the Saudi wife of a rich businessman. Umm Wiyan's cheating husband also bestowed four apartment buildings on her. “Four years back, my brother caught him in a shopping mall in Dubai with another woman. When I asked, he admitted that he had married a second time, but argued ‘Didn't I bestow you with buildings and other precious gifts as compensation?'” Even after this incident, Umm Wiyan's husband gifted her a number of extravagant items to make amends. “He married three women - later divorcing the second wife - as well as having a number of affairs,” she added. Dr. Hani Al-Ghamdi, a psychiatrist, family and social relationships' consultant and president of the Arab Union for Social Advisory, spoke to the Saudi Gazette and agreed that it was some men's nature to make amends via extravagant gifts, while cheating on their wives. “This nature of men exists in every society, not just in Saudi Arabia,” he said. “Men gift material goods - from a small ring to a big villa - to their wives when they cheat on them or marry another woman. They try to make amends because of guilt.” He added that there are other types of men as well, who don't consider themselves as answerable to their wives and remarry or cheat on them without even trying to make amends. He also pointed out that there is a difference between infidelity and polygamy. “The first wife certainly experiences jealousy during re-marriage, but a Muslim man can marry up to four women if he is capable of treating them equally and justly, and this is much better than extra-marital affairs,” he remarked. He added that the reason why Islam permits a man to remarry, is based on a recognition of this particular aspect of his nature. An Asian expatriate (name withheld on request) residing in Jeddah, whose husband compensated his wife with a villa in their native country remarked: “It satisfied my husband's first wife and she accepted our marriage. However, she now keeps demanding precious things and gives me a hard time as well.” In other countries, men don't remarry because the law does not allow them or because they are not financially capable of supporting another family. My husband married his first wife because it was an arranged marriage; she was not his ideal woman.” In wealthy Arab countries like the Kingdom, polygamy is habitually accepted, so women like Umm Wiyan and the manner in which they are appeased are more prevalent. However, the basic problem is also common in Western countries where polygamy is not permitted. Recently, a British businessman was in the news for buying his wife very expensive items of jewelry after cheating on her. Reuters reported that “After 26 years of marriage, long-suffering Elizabeth Charlton had more than 40 glittering pieces of jewelry).” Charlton's infidelity cost him nearly 300,000 pounds ($492,400), it emerged in July this year, when his daughter auctioned off jewelry belonging to the late Elizabeth. Dr. Al-Ghamdi concluded that some wives also cheat on their husbands. “In one case, a man heard his wife speaking to someone on the phone, using the term ‘habibti' and in another case, a husband complained that his wife used to ‘chat' to a stranger on the Internet,” he said. Dr. Al-Ghamdi asserted that Saudi women accept other women in their husband's life because of cultural circumstances. “They still live under the mercy of their family's men due to social habits, a lack of financial independence and insecurity,” he explained. “It is not easy for them to find someone single to remarry.” These women are used to living with a specific lifestyle which leaves them with no option but to make peace with so much wrongdoing. “She wants to keep her married life running smoothly for the sake of her children, so accepts the extravagant gifts and property,” he remarked. “She can always seek a divorce if she is unable to tolerate this.” He suggests that women exercise patience if their husband either cheats on her or remarries. “She should look to reorganizing her marital life by focusing on loopholes; she cannot get her husband back by force, but through love, care and wisdom,” he stated. He added that a man desires another woman when he doesn't derive satisfaction from his wife. “However, he should understand that his wife is not just a woman, she is the home manager as well,” he said. Some men, he added, indulge in extramarital affairs because of psychological issues whereby they feel a need to feel that they are “alive, energetic, content and important.” In these kind of cases, such men should seek counseling from a specialist.
