I AM closely following these days the divergent opinions in our society about girls escaping from their homes with each group sticking to their own points of view. One of these groups put the blame squarely on the media and purported instigators, saying the girls who escape from their families are victims of media hype. Others put the blame on the severe restrictions imposed on women in the country and the customs and traditions prevailing in Saudi society as well as certain regulations that curtail their freedom. Social media influencers, each one of them with his or her large following, were also divided over the issue. Some of them put the blame on the girls themselves for escaping and question their morality without paying any attention to the dignity of the individual. They also believe that these girls will fail in their life and face an uncertain future. Still others put the blame on the girls but at the same time, they are sympathetic with their situation and urge them to reconsider their move in the hope that they will return to their country or families. Some others place the total blame on the family without any evidence whatsoever. The discussions then changed to blaming the girls for their ignorance of their rights and not resorting to the many legal options that they had to claim their rights. Some of these rights are medical treatment, education, job, transportation and even marriage as some of the girls were prevented from getting married by their legal guardians. These people think that if the girls knew about their legal rights, it would have given them the magical solution to break out of parental control in view of their parents' ignorance on how to deal with children, especially young women. In reality, our girls see with their own eyes what happens to those girls who report domestic abuse to the authorities and how the victims are told to go back to their abusers and heed them. They also watch widely circulated video clips of what is really happening to girls sent to social protection homes. They read about how women inmates are forced to stay in prisons forever because their parents refuse to receive them back into their fold after they have served their sentences. Here I want to ask if the idea of self-realization and a desire for retribution are absent from the minds of many of these people. Can we describe instances of so many girls escaping from their homes as isolated cases and then totally ignore the fact that this generation is different from previous generations and it is difficult to control them through old ways and means? Are we indirectly pushing them to the edge in their quest for discovering themselves? According to one psychologist, abnormal reaction to abnormal pressure is a natural phenomenon. I am not trying to justify the behavior by suggesting that boys and girls run away under pressure. But the stories of young people escaping to the unknown are growing in front of our eyes. We are not going to contain the problem with more restrictions and controls or with continuous denial. Instead, we must start a transparent discussion about the reasons and the circumstances that lead to such behavior. Our society deserves an honest stand where we listen to the voice of reason. We need to hold a logical dialogue with ourselves where we debate the issue and its possible solutions. We need to diagnose the disease and its root causes before deciding the cure. We should not look down upon the demands of our young women, no matter how hideous they are. We should not compare them with the experiences of privileged women who were lucky to complete their education and evolve themselves with the help and support of the men close to them and then they sit in the ivory towers and ask the underprivileged to stop and think. Not just that, but these women mock the desperate attempts by the victims to escape to the unknown. I say with honesty to every woman who brags about her achievement that she would not have achieved her success if it was not for the support and blessings of her male guardian. That is pure luck and her efforts should not be praised here. I tell them to show some compassion to others because education and getting a job inside the country is still a dream for the girls in many families, despite all the support by the government. Girls in many environments do not have a voice and they tend to avoid unequal encounters where they are put on one side and society, family and regulations on the other. I am not calling for a mutiny in the family. We need to put an end to the causes that lead to this mutiny. Each individual should be given the opportunity to plan for his or her future the way they wanted based on their abilities within the boundaries of the Shariah and the law. We need to review some of the concepts that we are circulating and passing to our youth after we educate ourselves first and update our information to suit the little world we live in. We need to review our understanding of violence and neglect, and the rights and duties of parents and children, so we can lead a comfortable life and prepare a bright future for our children. Family is the protective shield and the first line of defense. Go back to your homes and talk to your children and do not neglect to have a dialogue with them, instead of giving them instructions. There is a huge difference. Talk to them and listen to them even more and surround them with love. Participate with them to paint their dreams and shape their future. Give them reasons to survive in a safe environment where they can express their ideas. If we do this, our children will not run away to an unknown future.
