Joud Al-Amri Saudi Gazette JEDDAH – Women are generally expressive, caring, passionate and respectful in their relationships. With her husband as her focus, a wife seeks to please, satisfy and give the utmost care and attention to her partner. Men on the other hand are the complete opposite. Women complain men refuse to talk about their feelings and are dismissive of other men who do and while there may be ample research that suggests men and women are wired differently and gender affects how our brains work, a person's surroundings also play a big role in shaping his/her personality. In Saudi society, women often say certain social and cultural factors make it imperative for men to be cold, secretive and everything else women are not. Sara Tariq, a 26-year-old wife, believes Arab culture and society requires men to be the strong silent type, which means upholding a certain image of Arab masculinity and acute maleness. “A husband has to show respect toward his wife by not mentioning her name or disclosing his true feelings of love for her to others. A husband should not, therefore, talk publicly about his wife, be it to praise or condemn her. “This Arab tradition has been deeply rooted in our society which does not respect a man who talks about his wife or tries to expresses his feelings toward her,” said Tariq while adding that most men in the world do not openly express their feelings to their wives. Echoing her words is Sireen Ahmed, a 22-year-old wife, who believes the very nature of man prevents him from expressing his feelings toward his wife. “Since the creation of the universe, societies have been obsessed with portraying women as the emotional ones; it has always been desired that women be loving, caring, delicate and compassionate. Men tend to conceal their feelings because, to them, masculinity is against compassion as it is seen as a sign of weakness. “This doesn't only apply to matters of love – men subconsciously hide all signs of emotions. This is contrary to the woman who is controlled in all actions by her emotions,” she said. While acknowledging that Arab society looks down upon men who express their feelings in public, 40-year-old Mohammed Al-Qahtani said attitudes need to change as there is nothing shameful about expressing ones feelings. “In the Arab world, especially in Gulf countries, men keep their feelings to themselves as they believe expressing them to women will make them appear weak. Man is characterized by wisdom and rationality and both of these sentiments oppose the instincts of passion. “Although our society considers it shameful for men to express their feelings to their wives, I personally respect any young man who will openly tell the girl he is going to marry that he loves her,” he said while adding that expression of love is not against Islam but it is “meaningless traditions” that prohibit it.
