TABUK — There has been a rising tide of family disputes in the Kingdom in recent years and countless siblings have become enemies and entangled in legal battles over estates left behind by their parents. Blinded by the greed for wealth, siblings regularly quarrel with each other in court without any consideration for their family ties. Al-Riyadh newspaper spoke to a number of academics, family counselors and sociologists to understand what is happening to a culture that puts great emphasis on family ties. Hayat Majed, an education expert and community leader, said family bonds remain strong and firm in the presence of parents but when the loss of a parent, usually the father, happens, this bond begins to break down. “The presence of either father or mother helps children maintain their cohesion and protects the family from disintegration. Elders are responsible for resolving disputes and calm angry children down. But when a death occurs, we see yesterday's siblings turn into enemies. They neither visit nor talk to each other and their disputes often play out in front of courts where they engage in lengthy legal battles,” she said. Hayat believes arrangements for a swift partitioning of parents' wealth can substantially contribute in maintaining an amicable relationship among siblings but said good parenting habits were key to a healthy and loving sibling relationship. “When parents prefer one child over another, for example, they are implanting a seedling of hatred. “Perhaps, parents are unaware of its disastrous consequences in future,” she said while drawing attention to the fact that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) warned against preferring one child over another. “In our capacity as educational and sociological consultants, we encounter a lot of problems arising out of parents' preferring boys over girls or the eldest son over other children. In certain cases, the eldest son continues exercising his role as the sole authority of handling family property even after the death of parents. We have heard of countless cases where sons often abuse their power and usurp their siblings' share of the family estate,” she added. Dr. Turki Al-Khalifa, head of the consultancy department at the family development center in Al-Ahsa, said giving children a decent education and raising them in the proper manner helps avoid siblings feuds later in life. “Raising children involves giving them good advice, showing them the ideal way to live and behave and showering them with love and affection. “Parents must speak to their grown up children about their responsibility toward their parents and should enlighten them on the best way of utilizing their inherited property after it is divided in accordance with the Shariah,” he said while underlining the need for expediting division of properties and avoiding unnecessary delays in this regard. According to Dr. Al-Khalifa, delaying division of estates most often leads to numerous problems. “If the deceased man has more than one wife, then there is an increased chance for such problems. Their father has to shoulder a great responsibility to demonstrate love and affection to all children from different wives and this should be through treating all of them equally and without any discrimination or favor.” Dr. Faisal Al-Holaibi, associate professor of Usool Al-Fiqh at the faculty of Shariah and Islamic studies at Al-Ahsa's King Faisal University, and director of the higher development institute for training, said that a sagacious parent is one who brings virtues of love, intimacy, cooperation and dedication to the family. “Such a father wants to unify their ranks in a single heart, and he will strive to educate them in line with the teachings of the Qur'an and the tradition of the Prophet (pbuh), and that is with all smartness and professionalism. Parents should have utmost vigilance against sowing seeds of division and dispute among children,” he said. “A father should make sure his children will maintain fraternal relations and not allow themselves to be misguided by greed or vested interests. He should always advise his children to have compassion and not quarrel with each other with regard to his property after his death,” he said while stressing it is the responsibility of the father to ensure unity, brotherhood and mutual love of children. Prominent sociologist and educational consultant Ayed Al-Shahrani said it is painful to read the alarming statistical figures, being published in the local media, on family disputes over inheritance across the Muslim world. “These reports show that such problems are not the monopoly of one country or the other but are common in every country and society. We can't believe some of these stories about disputes that are taking place in Muslim societies over property,” he said while noting that Islam sees wealth as only worldly means and it should never be the ultimate goal of anyone's life. Al-Shahrani also said that inculcating wrong notions in children's minds about earning wealth is the major reason why disputes later arise. “Hence, it is essential to develop values such as love, affection, compassion and interdependence, besides maintaining intimate fraternal relations. They should realize that the union of brothers and sisters on the basis of these values is above anything and everything,” he said.
