The lack of male role models in families is more likely to cause children to feel depressed, become antisocial with behavioral difficulties and more prone to substance abuse and violence. With the rising numbers of divorce cases and single-parent families in the Kingdom, there is an increasing need for positive male role-model figures. A great number of young adults and children are being exposed to physical and psychological violence at home, leading to stress, mental and physical deterioration. Maishal Al-Gabbani, a 25-year-old psychology major living in Jeddah, said children regularly feel inferior to others and are more likely to lack a sense of belonging than their peers who have positive male role models. “They are more likely to feel depressed all of the time and significantly more likely to admit they find happiness a cliché. Of course this hampers their education and employment prospects in the future. A lot of friends who are older than me and are now married tell me they can never outlive their past.” Al-Gabbani believes that without positive male role models, children grow up to be significantly less satisfied with all areas of their lives. “It is only right we be fair. What gives a man the right to have children, is it for the sake of having children? If you cannot devote time, money and compassion toward your child, kindly leave the role of reproducing alone. We are not on earth (only) to procreate,” Al-Gabbani said. Noura Basman, a 23-year-old British teacher, said more young girls get frustrated with their fathers controlling their lives. “My father never had time for me when I was growing up. He never asked or bothered to talk or meet my friends. Suddenly he wants to dictate my life's terms and decide who my friends should be. I am sorry but if you had warned me when the time was right, I would not be the person I am today.” Noura believes depression among the youth is a sign of poor parental care. “I believe most of the mistakes the youth make these days are a reflection of their upbringing and how they were treated at home.” Bashar Ahmad, a 26-year-old banker, told Saudi Gazette: “I do not ever remember sitting with my father and discussing my future. I used to think he was probably just tired working for us; he used to come home late after working long hours. But honestly now I wonder sometimes if he ever cared enough to get to know us better. Money is not everything.” Ahmad admitted his childhood memories are devoid of a father figure. “I had no one to learn from or look up to. My mother raised us, she cared for and talked to us. The father is always too busy in most families. I used to envy my friends whose fathers used to help them with homework and online college applications, and advised them on career decisions. It's the kind of regret I live with. Now its too late for him to get involved in my life.” Male role models and mentors have a positive impact in boys' lives, according to Hussein Shabir, a 28-year-old father of two. He said people who grow up without a father figure make it a point to become better parents themselves. “They know how it feels to grow up living in the same house with a man who did not care enough to get to know his children. The neglected children grew up hurting and understand they could have been better human beings and achievers had they been given the support, confidence and love by their fathers and elder brothers.” Shabir shares how he was sent off to a boarding school in Switzerland at a young age. “I can never understand why my parents sent me all by myself. I will never send my child away. I want to keep him with me for as long as I can.” Shabir said he and his father barely spent time together and today he lacks a strong sense of identity. “Because I was sent abroad for schooling, college and then work, I only made it to big family events or summers where I was treated more as a guest. Honestly, I always wished my father was my friend and not just a figure I had to call ‘Dad'.” Arwa Mahdi, a 24-year-old Saudi photographer, told Saudi Gazette: “The worsening relationships between fathers and children these days are widespread in every society and community in the Kingdom. Spending time with family and listening to each other's problems seem like outdated customs. No one has time for each other anymore.” Mahdi, whose father has two wives but lives with her stepmother and sisters, feels that money is used as a tool by some fathers to pacify family members. “My brother takes care of my mother and me as much as he can. The other day we had an argument with our father about him not spending a single week with us last year. He gifted my brother a sports car and left the next morning. He said we should be happy he does so much for us.” Mahdi said his parting words to them were: “At least you are not begging anyone else for money.” __
