When maids become mothers Saudi Gazette JEDDAH – Amy, a Filipino nanny, says that when she worked for a family in Riyadh she fell in love with their little girl. “I was so attached to her. She called me mama the first time she ever spoke but I wished her mother took a little better care of her. We nannies come and go, but a child's parent is for ever.” There is nothing wrong with parents getting some help with the care and upbringing of their children, but it appears many in the Gulf region, including Saudi Arabia, are employing maids to take over these crucial tasks. According to reports from the Gulf's Knowledge and Human Development Authority, 58 percent of children under the age of three in the region are cared for by maids for between 30 to 70 hours a week. This situation is exploitative because maids are not employed to do this kind of work. Zainab, a maid trafficker, who spoke to Saudi Gazette recently on condition of anonymity, said maids are abused in the region. “They are employed in homes where the mother leaves three children with them and also expects them to cook and clean. These children need to play and receive constant attention, which is too much for the maids to handle. This forces them to leave the family.” Zainab says that none of the maids she traffics want to work for a family with children because most of them end up taking complete care of the children. Margret, a grade three private school teacher in Jeddah, has seen maids attending school events, galas and graduation parties, which is supposed to be a privilege for mothers. “The children get more care and attention from their maids than their mothers. At some point these children will have no relationship with their mothers and seek attention by having outbursts and throwing tantrums.” Dalia Ahmed, a child education specialist at Early Days Education Center in Dubai, who used to work at Al-Firdous School in Jeddah, says most of the problems people face as adults can be traced back to the care and attention they received as children from their parents. “Money isn't everything. Most parents in Saudi Arabia think that if they put their children in good schools, clothe them with the best clothes, and buy them everything they need, then their job is done.” Ahmed added that the burden to care for the children should not rest solely on the mother's shoulders. “Fathers rely completely on mothers and have zero involvement with the children's care.” Saudis have less time Zainab says that when she worked as a maid for an Egyptian family, she found them caring better for their children. “The mother and father took great care of their children even though they worked nine hours a day. They still spent time with their children. Saudi parents, unfortunately, think that it is enough to spend two hours a day with their children.” Margret says, however, that not all mothers and fathers are bad at rearing their children. “While I have seen many bad mothers, I'm astonished from time to time by how amazing some mothers can be. These mothers usually have the most disciplined and hard-working children at school.” Najla' Al-Swaid, a mother of four and a teacher at Al-Ofok private school, says her job has taught her patience in dealing with children, but she does not have much time to spend with her own children. “The nanny I have is not that good with children but I have no other option but to let her take care of them while I'm at work or asleep.” Al-Swaid says her children are more disciplined with the maid than with her. Crucial first 10 years According to Ahlam Al-Katheery, a child psychologist at Al-Andalusia Clinic in Jeddah, children tend to be more disciplined with those who attend to their needs and take care of them. They also often have emotional outbursts when ignorant parents take a sudden or slight interest in them. “The first 10 years of a child's life are the most important because a child's subconscious is developed during this period. Any shortcomings on the part of parents will be seen when the child grows into an adult.” Lailah Ali, a mother of five and a grandmother of four, says she has spent her life raising her children and is now enjoying her grandchildren. “I never missed a day in my children's lives. I might not have been well-educated but I educated myself to raise my children the best way possible.” Ali says she always had help around the house but she always cared for her own children. The children also did not like spending time with the maid. She adds that discipline is the key to raising good children. Her children both feared and respected her. The father's role Lama Al-Omar, Ali's eldest daughter says: “We both loved and feared our mother. She was both mother and father and was tough all the time. I still feel the effects of having had no father in my life. I'm always urging my husband to spend more time with the children because I don't want them to go through what I did.” Even with a corporate job Al-Omar has not hired a live-in maid. She pays a maid to come in three times a week to clean the house. Al-Omar stayed at home during the first year of the lives of each of her children. “I took unpaid leave from work so I could spend the first year with my babies and then left them in my mother's care the following year. By the time they were two years old I enrolled them in a nursery school so that I did not burden anyone. This also allowed them to have contact with other children.” __
