CONFUCIUS said: “Our Master gets his way by being frank, friendly, truthful, respectful and moderate. That is our way.” Try and make the Pakistani politician understand such wisdom. Did you see the leader of the opposition in the National Assembly and theoretically shadow prime minister no less and two of the MQM's normally courteous but much loquacious stalwarts go thermonuclear the other day? They crossed all bounds of decency. They plummeted depths to which we never thought our politicians could go. They not just ‘lost it'. They exploded. This is what hatred does – it turns people into liars and uncouth boors. Quite a show. It only betrays poor education and the extent to which they don't understand the ethos of democracy. We journalists are often accused of going over the top. The best and worst amongst us couldn't match these guys, nor could any of the much-loved ladies of the night. “Barbaad gulistan karnay ko, sirf aik hee ullu kafi tha, Har shaakh pay ullu baitha hai anjaam-e-gulistan kya ho ga.” Ullu, meaning owl, symbolizes not wisdom but stupidity in our culture. In a word, it means idiot. “All it needed was one idiot to ruin our beautiful country, With an idiot perched on every branch, pray what will our future be?” I can't help saying (not crowing): “You wanted Western electoral democracy, you've got it. Elections before accountability will mean the return of the Lucky Irani Circus.” It returned, now with new acts, one of which we just saw. I can hear mindless idiots without an answer saying: “We always said he supports dictators.” Do I? Or do they who create impossible situations with their undemocratic behavior, their poor governance, their illegalities, plunder, corruption and nepotism that force dictators in? Something's cooking. What we don't know yet, but the usual long-gone-off ingredients are being used again to make another inedible concoction of bogus democracy that suits the American Deep State. In a truly democratic country these ingredients would have long been binned. One thing is certain though: it will be unpalatable as usual. Yet we continue in the forlorn hope that with experience our cooks will learn. Being an amateur chef myself, I can tell you with certainty: “If you don't have it ‘in your hand', as it were, you will never learn.” Our politicians don't have it in their hand to be truly democratic because they don't really understand democracy. We don't even understand the difference between democracy and system. We think elections are democracy. Were that it was so simple. What they don't have in their hands either are their strings. In another's hand it makes them puppets – of the idiot variety. The Puppeteer is the American Deep State. He is in action, pulling their strings, setting one idiot against the other to change idiots around, for his current show is not delivering. He has to prepare for the future. Even Nawaz has called it a puppet show, which makes the Puppeteer wary of him, because he has a tendency to veer off the script. However, behind the curtain he is working with Asif the president, which is why it is called the Alyph aur Noon Show (as in the Urdu alphabets). In the famous television series Alyph the Artful would always make a fool of Noon the Simpleton. So what is bothering the Puppeteer? Things are worse than dire. The treasury is bankrupt but with an eye on its vote bank, the government is balking from taking the necessary tough decisions. By June we could declare bankruptcy. Soon thereafter, the formal economy will crash, then the informal. Finally, the illegal economy will emerge from underground to rule the roost. That is not part of the Puppeteer's script. He wants stability to keep the democracy illusion alive. Instability would lead to the puppets to dance to another's tune coming to perch on every branch. The Puppeteer wants them destroyed. What does the Puppeteer want? What follows is conjecture. The government's coalition partner Maulana Fazlur Rahman took his party out of the coalition. Why? Not because of principles surely. Presidential elections are due in America in 2012 and Obama, the lead American puppet of the Puppeteer, wants to create the optics that his forces have started withdrawing from Afghanistan by mid-2011, as promised, and he can win reelection, though it's possible the Puppeteer has quite another script in mind. THERE are political vacuums developing everywhere. One is in the crucial KPK province bordering Afghanistan. The performance of the ‘progressive' ruling ANP government there has been so abysmal that it could well be trashed in the next elections, whenever they are. The Puppeteer doesn't want puppets he cannot trust filling the vacuum. He thinks that the revival of the alliance of six religious parties called the MMA is necessary, so that it can form the KPK government again, led by none other than Maulana Fazlur Rahman or his nominee. Without Pakistan's help not even a symbolic withdrawal can begin. An MMA-led KKP government would be best placed to talk to the Taliban to help pull the US-NATO chestnuts out of the fire. However, the Puppeteer doesn't want to derail Alyph's Islamabad government either. They are obedient puppets. But the audience is unhappy with them, so there's a national vacuum developing. Though Noon's own performance in the Punjab has been equally abysmal, there's always the dangerous possibility that he could fill the vacuum come the next national elections through a process of elimination and puppet trading. Muslim League puppets all ganged up under Noon in mutual desperation attract a combined audience much larger than Alyph's. Nature abhors vacuums. So does politics. This is classic fertile ground for new political forces to arise. There are only three possibilities on the horizon. The MQM wishes to enlarge its support base from local to national. It is making the right noises – revolution and end of feudalism. Imran Khan's party could still make an impact despite its many U-turns and confused turns if only they would grow political brains. And Musharraf's new APML could too, but they have to roll up their sleeves and plunge their arms into the mud. Going by a track record that people are increasingly beginning to appreciate is not be enough. What are you going to do for the people in future and how are you going to do it matters more. All have to get down on their knees and kiss the earth. Else, back to “My dear countrymen.” – The writer is Op
