Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful, has given a monumental authority to the men of the Muslim Ummah because He knows the capability of men and their suitability for such a considerable task. It is the duty of men, in Islam, to look after, support, provide for and ensure the safety of the women under their care. Women are naturally delicate and fragile in physique. They are mentally and emotionally frail and are in need of such “protectors”. Despite the command from Allah (“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” Holy Qur'an, 4:34), some women become disgruntled when men become possessive in matters relating to their women.
Let us highlight the reasons why women feel displeased when their men behave possessively:
1. Misunderstanding possessiveness as oppression.
Many women tend to comprehend possessiveness as oppression, load and burden. Little do they know that it is in their best interest if their husbands, fathers and brothers or guardians care for them and keep a watchful eye over them. A woman may be prevented from doing certain things for her personal safety or for the safety of her religion.
2. Being unaware of the fact that it is binding upon men to do so. Men are supposed to protect the honor and chastity of their women. A husband, therefore, has the responsibility of taking care of his wife, protecting her, defending her honor, and fulfilling her needs regarding her religion and her worldly life. This is the most fundamental duty of men toward their women.
3. Keeping bad company and befriending troublemakers.
There exists a multitude of people who strive to gain Allah's pleasure, but there also exists a mass of people who devote themselves to gaining Allah's wrath. Unfortunately, such people work to destroy the most basic unit of society - the family. They work tirelessly to gossip, spread rumors and twist tales, and in doing so, they often cause arguments and fights between husband and wife, which can lead to divorce.
In Islam, the relationship between husband and wife is a strong bond which is to be nurtured with kindness and mercy. This relationship is so significant that Allah mentions it in the Holy Qur'an as one of His great signs in this world.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (30:21) A Muslim man, whether husband, father or son, must have “gheerah”, which is an Arabic word meaning “protectiveness or jealousy”. It is an innate characteristic of a man to feel protective toward his female folk.
Our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) had gheerah and his companions too were known for their gheerah. To have gheerah in one's character has many merits. Firstly, it is Sunnah as is evident from the following Hadith: Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.829 Narrated by Al-Mughira: Sa'd Bin Ubadah said: “If I found a man with my wife, I would kill him with the sharp side of my sword.” When the Prophet (pbuh) heard that he said: “Do you wonder at Sa'd's sense of gheerah? Verily, I have more sense of gheerah than Sa'd, and Allah has more sense of gheerah than I.”
Secondly, for a man to have gheerah, it is as though he is providing a shelter for his wife, a shelter under which he keeps his wife in an utmost safe place. When a man stops his wife or other female members from going out of the house, it is certainly due to his sense of gheerah. He has the sole right to stop his wife from running errands.
O my sisters in Islam! If your male folk stop you from going out of your house and this annoys you, be careful; remember that men are assigned as the protectors of women, and they understand the harm involved in women leaving the house. Men only do so because they care for you. Women are more precious than pearls, diamonds and other jewels; it is for this reason that they are to be protected.
Furthermore, here is a verse from the Holy Qur'an for you to ponder upon: “And stay in your houses and do not display your finery like the displaying of ignorance...” (33:33)
The aforementioned verse conveys that, undoubtedly, it is better for a woman to stay at home. She should not go out unless it is necessary, and when it is necessary for a woman to go out, it should be with her husband's permission. She should be careful to avoid that which Allah has forbidden, and she should wear full hijab, etc. If she goes out wearing adornments and makeup or perfume, then this is not permitted.
“And say to the believing women that they cast down their looks and do not display their ornaments except what appears naturally thereof...” (Holy Qur'an 24:31)
If a man does not have gheerah, and does not care about how the women under his care behave or dress, and he doesn't mind other men staring at or mixing with his women then that is a major sin.
Congratulations to those men who are possessive and protective in each and every matter of their wives and other female members for they know that it is incumbent upon them to maintain, protect and support their women. It is certain that men are the protectors of women.
