TARIQ A. AL-MAEENA A recent piece I wrote on how some Saudi mothers throw the responsibility of raising their children onto the shoulders of their domestic help touched a nerve with one Saudi mother. So much so that it prompted her to send me her personal perspective on the issue. She writes: “The next time you write an article on housemaids, kindly mention that there are so many kids raised by Christian nannies that instead of the child knowing about Islam, they know more about the Christian religion. “I am not a snob who thinks that maids are inferior, no I am not! They are here just because some lazy wives and mothers are too busy to do what they really are supposed to be doing which is raising their children by themselves. But my issue here is that we need to at least feel responsible enough to bring up our kids according to Islam's teachings. “I personally have ladies in my own family who think that kids are supposed to be raised and kept with nannies 24/7. And I am not surprised to hear church hymns from their children's mouths either. Honestly, they deserve this! The housemaid who cared for and mothered the child did what she could do best. And it's a great punishment for a mother who is too busy to concentrate on her own kids. “I have three children and I work 10 hours, five days a week too. Yes it's true that I was raised in London, but I bet my three kids aged 14, 11 and 9 can do far better chores than many others their age and they are a great support for me in the home. “No! I don't call it child labor; it's called raising responsible children. It's not that I did not have a maid. I had them, but I was too tired of the thefts that were happening in my home. I bet one of my maids is a millionaire in her country after stealing all the gold jewelry that I had. But I have no regrets; perhaps she needed it more than I did. But I thank her because she taught me a lesson which was to raise my children by myself! And trust me, I fought for it, and decided that my kids are not going to be raised according to a maid's standard! And my eldest was six when I had my last maid. I preferred to take care of them myself rather than letting a maid take care of them. And I won! “Wherever I go, my children are praised for their good manners and behavior. You want to know what brought tears to my eyes? I often visit Dubai as my husband's business is there. There was a small gathering in his new office and he invited some friends and families and asked me to join him. I left the kids with my parents and left for Dubai alone. During the gathering, a lady came out of nowhere and asked me how I raised my children. I was shocked to hear this question from her, as I really didn't know who she was. My neighbor told me the lady was the neighbor of her mother, living in Sharjah and she specially came to see my kids as my neighbor told her parents and friends they were so well-behaved. “I am not a perfect mom, nor do I give my children everything that others have just to keep up with the Joneses. I have certain rules in my home and I want them to be followed well. Yes, I do have an iPad and other mini tablets, but they only come out during weekends. I didn't switch on the TV from the very beginning in my home, so my children are not into movies either. But if they go to Dubai, they do go to cinemas. I introduced them to books from a very early age, and I'm happy to say that our last vacation in Dubai was spent mostly in bookstores and libraries. The grand fountain at the foot of Burj Khalifa had lost its charm finally! And the Virgin Megastore and the Book World in Dubai mall were the focus of attention of my three children. And I loved every moment of it, knowing my kids were more into story books and encyclopedias than the cinema. “I was happy that when I asked where they wanted me to take them, none of them wanted to go to the cinema, the beach or other tourist attractions, they just wanted me to take them to the libraries and bookstores. And I accompanied them everywhere. “I did not leave them out of my sight for a minute, nor did the prospect of shopping charm me. I do that when I go alone to visit my husband leaving my children behind with my parents. But my priority becomes my kids and their happiness when I am on vacation with them. Their happiness is more fulfilling to me than my own! "I want to see more dedicated mothers in our country like me. Before we raise iPad junkies and fast-food fed hyperactive kids, mothers here need to feel their responsibilities too. We moms brought these children into this world, and we should be responsible enough to raise them well. We should raise them according to our standards or the nation's youth will be raised to the maid's standards. In the end a mother has to decide how she wants to raise her children. Thanks. A.Q.” I am not sure how many Saudi mothers would agree with A.Q's perspective, but it is certainly a thought-provoking point of view. — The author can be reached at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter @talmaeena
