Children, health, and wealth are gifts and blessings from God but with each blessing comes responsibility. They are a source of joy and pleasure but they are also a test. We will be asked by God how well we treated our children, what we did with our lives in times of good health, and how we spent our money. Have children been placed in our trust and under our care to amuse us whenever we want or as a back-up plan to lean on when we grow into old age or to carry our name and business? Providing food, clothes, and a home, and refraining from physical abuse are not enough to fulfill our job as parents. The rights of children in Islam go far deeper than these bare minimum requirements. A parent ensures physical care, but equally important are ample love, emotional security, companionship, compassion, mental and educational stimulation, and meaningful spiritual guidance. Each child has rights in Islam before he/she is even born. It starts with choosing a life partner who has excellent moral character and will be a kind, gentle, and responsible parent to create healthy and stable families that in turn are the building blocks of societies. Regarding the selection of a spouse, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) always advised the believers to choose a righteous person. When Umar ibn Al-Khattab was asked by a young man if children had any rights in Islam, he replied, “Yes, of course! The first right of a child over his father is that he should be given a good mother. The second right of a child is that he should be given a good name. And the third right of a child is that he should be given good education.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “On the Day or Resurrection, you will be called by your names and your fathers' names, so give yourselves good names.” (Abu Dawud). Islam recognizes the effect that the name has on one's personality, dignity, and self-esteem. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) recommended choosing pleasant names and he changed names that held a negative connotation; he changed a man's name from Harb (meaning war) to Silm (meaning peace). A nickname can be used to show how special the child is, not to ridicule or tease the child. Parents can pick titles that will encourage positive behavior, such as ‘my helper' or ‘speedy reader.' The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) called his daughter Fatimah by a beautiful nickname; Al-Zahraa, meaning the flower. Most parents have so much affection but they do not show it adequately nor do they take time enough to play, chat, joke with, and just listen to their children. Being fond of children, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) showed great interest in playing with his grandchildren, Al-Hasan and Al-Hussain. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) would also have fun with the children who had come back from Ethiopia and tried to speak their language. He often gave camel rides to children when he returned to Madinah from his journeys. This Hadith states, “One day, the Prophet (peace be upon him) led his companions in prayer whilst carrying Umamah bin Zaynab (his baby granddaughter). When he bowed he would put her down, then when he stood he would pick her up.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). On another occasion, Al-Hasan was sitting on the Prophet's lap and Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) kissed him. A Bedouin man remarked, “I have ten children and have never kissed one of them.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) cast a look at him and said, “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully (by Allah).” (Al-Bukhari) A model father, the Prophet (peace be upon him) was aware of how important a gentle kiss, a pat on the head, cuddling, and hugging are to the healthy development of a young child. A study at the University of Wisconsin showed that a parent's positive, appropriate touch led to enhanced mental attentiveness, a decrease in depression systems, reduced pain and stress hormones, improved immunity and a greater mental, physical, and emotional development in children. Researchers claim that children need a minimum of 12 hugs a day for optimal growth and development. Yes children are a test; they test their parents' patience, tolerance, and moral character every day. Ever walked into the kitchen to find the entire contents of the cereal box scattered on the floor, or caught your son giving his little sister a fabulous hair cut? Even though you may have wanted to rant and rave, yell and spank, you kept your cool. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) never hit a woman, servant, or child and he never struck anyone except when in battle. “A believer does not taunt, curse, abuse, or talk indecently” is a confirmed saying of the Prophet (peace be upon him) which we should apply to everyone in our lives, especially children. Children have the right to a well rounded education with equal emphasis on academics, maintaining a healthy body, skills and talents development, and learning about Islam. Concerning this, the Prophet (peace be upon him said), “A father gives his child nothing better than a good education.” (Tirmidhi) The parents' duty in giving their children a good education does not end by simply packing their kids off to an outrageously expensive private school. A disturbingly large number of parents rely entirely on the school for the intellectual growth, molding of character and conduct, and shaping of religious beliefs of their children. In our children's eyes, buying clothes and toys for them will never compensate for emotional detachment and lack of involvement in their daily lives. Kids are surprisingly sensitive, shrewd, and smart. Yesterday, I was playing UNO for an hour with my five year old daughter; of course she twisted the rules in such a way that she would win every time. The minute I started thinking of what a good parent I was, she said to me so blatantly, “Stop checking your what's app messages. Look at me. And smile!”
