IN spite of the fact that Islam warns us against abusing children and the Prophet (peace be upon him) gave us so many instructions on how to deal with children, we hear and read from time to time about some unbelievable stories of child abuse. Such abuse can take many forms from being emotional or sexual in nature. Child abuse refers to “any action that endangers or harms a child's physical or emotional health and development.” Emotional abuse includes yelling, name-calling, and derision. Included in this definition are cigarette burns, shaken baby syndrome, sexual abuse and neglect. The question that should be asked is why do such incidents take place in our society? Why do some parents abuse their children when the relationship between parents and children should be built on love and mercy? Before we answer this question we should correct some misconceptions about abuse of children in our Arab mentality. The first misconception is that the father has the right to do whatever he wants to with his children. No authority, according to this misconception, has the right to intervene with regard to the father-child relationship. Accordingly, some parents misuse this cultural right they have. Some go to extreme levels of abuse and no one can intervene because the father is supposed to know best how to deal with his child! The second misconception is that it is good to be harsh with children than treat them humanely. Hence, parents do not know that some of their acts may actually fall under the definition of child abuse. Apart from cultural misconceptions mentioned above, there are other reasons for child abuse. The first is domestic violence. Arguments between parents terrify children even though they are not harmed physically. Studies have also shown that in addition to negative emotions, children are also affected physically in many cases. This is because parents may use children to punish their partners. Hence, children are involved and punished for no fault of theirs. The second cause is that some of these parents may not have treated mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder. What is worse is that our society, because of our culture, does not acknowledge such mental illnesses. It is known that a mentally ill or traumatized parent could be distant and withdrawn from his or her children. Such a parent can be quick to get angry without knowing why. Not only this but those who suffer from these problems tend to abuse their children. The third reason for abusing children is connected with the consumption of alcohol and drugs. It is difficult for children to live with an alcoholic or a drug-addicted parent because intoxicated parents cannot care for themselves, let alone their children. They cannot make good parenting decisions or control often-dangerous impulses. Worse is that they usually abuse their children physically. The fourth reason is a general lack of parenting skill. People think everybody can be a good parent without any effort. This, in my opinion, is wrong. In order to be a good parent who knows how to deal with children, one must learn the necessary skills required. But some parents never learn or acquire these skills. So what can we expect from children and teenagers? And will they grow up to have realistic expectations about how much care babies and small children need? I do not think so. Parents tend to raise children the way they were raised. Parents must learn how to be good parents. Parenting classes, therapy sessions, and caregiver support groups are great resources for acquiring better parenting skills. Fortunately, men and women have shown an increasing interest in these classes in the Kingdom. Finally, I must add that stress and lack of support are also causes of child abuse. There is no doubt that parenting can be a very difficult job, especially in these days when parents tend to raise their children without the support of their families, friends, or the community. The situation becomes worse if there are social problems or financial difficulties. Hence, it is important for parents to get the support they need, so they are emotionally and physically able to support their children. Such support is further needed when parents care for a child with some disability. – SG The writer can be reached at [email protected] __
