I attended a recent workshop on management. On the last day, the instructor presented an interesting way of assessing oneself. We were asked to fill a diagram of four blocks — two horizontal and two vertical blocks. Two of the blocks say “I know” (myself), the other two say “I do not know” (myself). I was surprised — and so would you — about the number of things we do not know about ourselves because we are trapped in the images we dearly hold about ourselves which sometimes make us think that we are at the center of the universe and the reference point of rightfulness. The trainer then asked each of us to write three sentences about herself — we were all women — as if we were looking at ourselves through the eyes of someone else. She gave us an example of what she thought her mother would say about her. We were given handouts and were asked to fill the sheets. To do this, it was important to, as much as possible, detach ourselves from our own identity and put ourselves in the shoes of another person. I chose to imagine what my husband and the head of the department where I work thought of me. This was not as complicated as I thought because I kept going back to my imaginary assessment of myself instead of thinking honestly about what others thought of me. For the first time, I almost understood why my husband or my boss often reacted in a certain way towards me. The exercise made me reflect on how I perceived myself and how other people perceived me. It left no room for self-lies which many of us exercise to glorify ourselves and demonize others. It also made me think about lying in general — how we lie to ourselves and to others. Big and small lies! White and black lies! All sorts of lies and of lying strategies. And why do we lie? Are there lies that are OK? Which lies are OK and which are not? Is it or is it not smart to lie if it makes us succeed in subduing others? Are truthful people stupid because they expose themselves to cunning liars who want to manipulate them? This may be a million-dollar question nowadays but it has not always been so. People who lie may initially win but in the end we remember and respect the honest guy. When we need to give our kids a moral example, we think of the honest one. This unexpected exercise at the end of the workshop was helpful to me because, by understanding why other people behaved in certain ways towards me, I was able to think of practical solutions to some problems and even to sympathize with other people instead of viewing them as adversaries or dismiss them as liars. (The author can be reached at [email protected]) __
