The global financial crisis has gotten so bad that a stock broker was sighted in a zoo, stealing peanuts from the monkeys. The above is a “diversification” of an old joke. The crisis has generated near-daily jokes about the new poor in rich countries, or those who had been burning money as if there were no tomorrow, then tomorrow came. An American sitting in a bar was crying. When asked why, he said that his father had died three weeks ago, and left him a million dollars. Two weeks ago, his mother died, and left him half a million. A week ago, his aunt died and left him $100,000. This week, there was nothing, although the week was almost over. The strange thing about the global financial crisis is that everyone is losing. Since I am a student of Arab literature and a journalist by profession, I cannot comprehend how everyone is losing and no one is winning. Where did the trillions of dollars go? Into a black hole in space? Colleagues at Al-Hayat's economy department have tried to explain the matter to me, but I do not get it, which makes me accuse America and Israel, since they always constitute a pretext. Even stranger, the money has disappeared, vanished, is missing and is gone, while the taxes remain. They say that the only two certainties in this wretched life are death and taxes. At the least, death does not get worse year after year. How many banks have gone under? The figure is in the hundreds. How many companies? The numbers here talk about hundreds of thousands. A man took a taxi to the Bankruptcy Court, and when he got there he said to the driver: Why don't you come in with me and get in line with the people suing me? On the margins of the crisis, I read about the following: *Television stations in Africa have begun running ads that say: “Adopt an American baby.” *Actress Angelina Jolie decided to adopt an American baby next time. *Members of Congress (who are on the take and in the pockets of the Israeli lobby) announced discounts on bribes. *Oil giant BP fired 25 representatives and senators in the United States (referring to the American legislators who appear to work as a lobby for the oil company). *A dancer was killed after spectators showered her with coins (instead of slipping twenty-dollar bills into her clothing). *A Mormon, who is allowed to marry more than one woman, was found to have one wife. *Hollywood actresses have fired their servants and nannies and learned to remember the names of their children. *When the bank returns a check to you saying “insufficient funds,” it means the bank's funds, not your bank account. *Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now under the management of Somali pirates. *When Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they now sleep in the same hotel room. *Bill doesn't have mistresses anymore. *The French left their mistresses and have gone back to sleeping with their wives. *Fourteen Americans were caught trying to cross the Arizona border for immigration to Mexico. *A Wall Street stock broker only tastes meat these days if he bites his tongue. *The Copts have gone back to Egypt from Canada; the Indians and Bangladeshis have left Britain for their countries, and the Algerians have left France. *Pakistan has established a charitable fund to assist disaster areas in the United States. A calamity makes one laugh, and we can laugh at the global financial crisis because we (meaning readers and myself) alone have not lost anything, as there was nothing to lose. Perhaps we should add to the “Blesseds” of the Bible: “Blessed be those who have nothing, because they have nothing to lose.”
