Katherine, Abdullah and the clash of civilizations By Riem Farahat Saudi Gazette RECENTLY, The US media stirred up a controversial love story and now the Arab world has caught up. The story of Katherine and Abdullah seems to be a simple one. All-American girl Katherine was only 16 when she met Palestinian Abdullah, over 20, on Myspace. The young couple fell in love and soon Abdullah's father bought Katherine a ticket to come to Palestine. Being a runaway minor, her mother contacted the authorities and the FBI, and Katherine was stopped in Amman and sent back home. As soon as she turned 18, Katherine bought a ticket and went to Palestine to be with Abdullah. Out of fear that Katherine went to a war zone and brainwashed by Abdullah, her family contacted Dr. Phil McGraw, who hosts a famous show named after himself, for help. In November of last year, Dr. Phil dedicated three episodes to this problem. He brought in Katherine's mother and sister in person and the happy couple via satellite. In the second episode, he brought in Betty Mahmoody to talk about her experience. Mahmoody has become an expert in American-Muslim marriages ever since her once-Iranian husband tricked her into going to Iran and refused to let her daughter leave. Later she escaped Iran and Hollywood adopted her story and turned it into a major motion picture. Dr. Phil and Katherine's family begged her to come home for a visit. Finally, by the third attempt, she went home. Two weeks later, she appeared in the third and final episode where she broke up with Abdullah after claiming that he was verbally and physically abusive to her. Abdullah did not deny this claim. Dr. Phil was thrilled when he announced that Katharine was now dating an American boy. MBC 4 aired all three episodes sometime last week. These three episodes were not Dr. Phil's finest episodes. With all due respect to his knowledge, he appeared ignorant of intercultural relations, unfair and biased. On the one hand, Dr. Phil was speaking clearly from a Westerner's point of view. There are about three major elements which Dr. Phil was looking at, all of which are found with US standards. First, a person who is 16 years old is a minor, and having a relationship with someone who is over 18 is considered a form of statutory rape. Second, verbal and physical abuse towards women is completely unacceptable in Western media. Third, so many Western women are facing the issue of deadbeat dads or Arab fathers who kidnapped their children. These mothers are left hopeless and in despair. On the other hand, Abdullah was not given a chance to give his side of the story. He barely even spoke, and it was obvious who Dr. Phil was siding with. Also, Katherine was treated like a victim. By turning 18, she is no longer a child and should be held accountable for her actions. What morals is she being taught when she puts her family through hell, travels to another continent to be with a man she met online and later dumps him on national (international) TV? And at the end she is treated like the sole victim. Then MBC's all-female talk show Kalam Nawaem, inspired by The View, decided to take charge. On Sunday, 1 June, they interviewed Abdullah for about five to 10 minutes, as apposed to Dr. Phil's three episodes. There were no deep or meaningful questions, but the ladies were upset that Abdullah, by appearing on Dr. Phil's show, had further contributed to the negative image of the Arab in the Western media. In their eyes, Abdullah became the victim of a US Jewish media conspiracy. Abdullah carried a lot of contradictions and none of the ladies seemed to have bothered to question him. He seemed either like a dreamer, a major liar or both. He insisted that Katherine, who according to him is his lawfully wedded wife, would come back to Palestine soon. The ladies also didn't seem too disturbed when Abdullah answered that yes, he did beat Katherine once, but only to make her visit her family. What does that say about Arab feminism? Interestingly enough, upon googling the story online, I found that a good number of both Arabs and US citizens did come to an agreement over one thing: conspiracy theory. Some US citizens shared that they believe that there is an Arab-Muslim conspiracy against Western women to make them convert and hold them captive, while some Arabs believed in the conspiracy to propagate negative images of Arabs. Both the ladies and Dr. Phil were stirred by their emotions. Neither of them saw this as an intercultural conflict that would not be solved by emotions alone. There were so many opportunities that both shows should have used to discuss other, more important issues. I highly doubt if Abdullah's father would be thrilled had his daughter met a young man, from a different culture and religion, online and left her family to be with him. One of the ladies commented that had Katharine fallen in love with a Jew and moved to Israel, nothing would have happened. They also believed that the aim of Dr. Phil's show was an attack on Arabs, as American media always does. Regardless of what many people might say, both Arab and Western media see Palestine as a conflict zone. Would it really be such a surprise that a parent would fear for the life of her child in a place she knows nothing of accept that it is a war zone? I would salute a girl who decides to put an end to an abusive relationship and I would applaud any intercultural couple that decides to slow down and think about their future together. Before two people from different cultures agree to get married, they should first learn about each other's cultures and agree on issues relevant to their prospective children. Marriage in general should not be a spontaneous decision, let alone an intercultural one. Finally, online dating happens, but it is also a dangerous thing. These are the messages I expected Dr. Phil and ladies of Kalam Nawaem to convey. __
