For a problem that plagues communities across the world, woefully little is being done to actively seek solutions or even explore the reasons behind the enormity of domestic violence and abuse. Shocking statistics and pictures surface from time to time outlining the magnitude of the problem, but for the most part, the issue is shrouded or hushed up in silence, until some hapless victim gathers the courage to speak out. This is why, I was heartened to read about a one-of-a-kind project called Nour, a non-profit organization based in the UK which, according to its website, “Aims to engage the public, and especially the minority Muslim communities, to become aware and take action against this silent yet prevalent social injustice – domestic violence. We believe it is important to be pro-active rather than reactive.” The Nour project proposes to tackle the issue of domestic violence using Islamic literature from the Qur'an and the Prophetic teachings, which would go a long way in removing the widespread misconception that Islam “advocates” domestic violence. The website currently offers access to both male and female Islamic advisors and health advisors. One of the Islamic advisors on board is Ramiz Ibrahim, a London-based NLP life coach and founder of ‘Discovering Your Potential', who accepted Islam in 1997 and has since been involved in giving lectures on Islam and self-development. Recently, I had the opportunity to ask him a few questions about his work. n What exactly is the role played by a counselor on a project like Nour.dv? Ramiz Ibrahim: The counselor's primary role is one of support and aiding the couple in their journey to a better relationship. Through counseling and allowing the space away from daily routine for them to experience a confidential environment to express themselves, they can form new strategies in dealing and understanding the way they look at things. We offer a completely confidential and non-judgmental way of supporting, listening and challenging the clients' way of thinking. It is not one of advice, unless specifically asked, but one of sincere intention in helping them in their endeavors to change and form a healthier way of communication, Insha Allah. n What are the qualifications required to become a counselor? There are many routes to becoming a counselor. The route sought by many is through academic routes on the path to a career as a counselor is one; but preferably the one who wants to deal with their own issues, with sincere intention, to understand themselves, coupled with the academic route is a better path. The better counselor is one who has worked through their own issues, Insha Allah. And Allah knows best. n What are some of the personal challenges faced by counselors? The challenges faced by the client, (a counselor is also a client), are many – especially if they are not brought up in Islam, and even those who are, still face many issues such as, abuse, alcohol, drugs, gender confusion, and the list goes on. Living in the West brings its decadence. However, as much as we Muslims try to hide our issues and sweep them under the carpet, they will emerge sometime later in one's life as we are all human. Specifically the challenges faced by the client are many including internal conflicts and initial antagonism toward change. The Nafs (the ego) is a very dangerous beast. The challenges faced by the counselor are also many. Specifically, dealing with clients who bring up issues which also relate to them can be very daunting and intimidating. But this is where the real internal work lies. Tazkiyah is something every Muslim needs as the “Islamic life” is comprehensive, it is both an external and internal struggle for purification. n What are some of the concerns that stop women from reporting domestic abuse and how would you suggest overcoming them? Domestic violence affects both men and women and comes both in physical and psychological form. It is not necessarily a physical action but can be, and usually is threatening behavior, shouting, verbal abuse. Men hardly report it as it runs deeper and about which there is not enough space to explain. Women tend to fear a backlash, being labeled in the community for going against her husband fear of retaliation from both the husband and family. The lack of self-esteem, listlessness, residual love for her husband, isolation and worrying for the children are also preventive factors. Less than 50% of cases are reported and statistics show that a telephone report of one case every minute in the UK (Judicial statistics). We must remember that we as Muslims do not deal with domestic violence in the same way as the West deals with it, by trying to separate the family permanently. The abuser is also a victim of his or her upbringing which can be dealt with. Yes, it is abhorrent and prohibited in our Deen, but we try to make the intention, Insha Allah that we can help resolve the disputes to help the husband, wife and family unit comprehensively. n How serious would they say this problem is in the Muslim community? Muslims are human just like everyone else. The problems all humans suffer whether they are Muslim, Christian, Hindu or whatever creed they profess are the same. It is not specific to a certain creed as much as it is to a specific controlling mind and heart set. Of course it is very serious and prevalent in the Muslim community as well as other communities. Although there is no excuse for it, we cannot dismiss the fact that the abuser has been brought up seeing this kind of behavior and lack of respect, and they have certain tendencies which are, a controlling character and a very one-track mind. They lack in emotional intelligence and have been taught that as long as the oppressed allows the abuse they will continue with it. It is a disease which can be cured, Insha Allah. n What are the steps one can take to educate women on dealing with abuse? The steps to educate women and men dealing with all abuse have been shown as a great initiative by organizations such as Nour. In the UK there are many organizations but not many Muslim ones which are hands-on and do not care about the stigma. Workshops and lectures addressing this issue in various communities will be set up and of course are being set up. There may be much antagonism from Muslims, but we are told by the Prophet (peace be upon him): “Whosoever witnesses a forbidden act being committed, he should prevent it by the use of his hands; if he is unable to do so, then he should prevent it with his tongue; if he is unable to do so, he should at least consider it a vice in his heart; and this is a very low level of Iman.” I for one do not tolerate certain aspects of culture and am vehement in my endeavors to make our community aware that there is help out here which they can utilize and am very proud that Nour has given me the privilege to work with them. One of the most important things we can do as a community to prevent and help cases of domestic violence is create awareness through Friday Khutbahs and programs in the mass media, and institute helplines that not only help in reporting such cases, but also provide support and rehabilitation to the entire family with the aim of resolving the situation. Setting up organizations or counseling services dealing with domestic violence needs sensitivity and experienced people or more damage will be done. Remember the West are not our teachers unless it is positive to use their ways to improve and save families, not destroy them. – Saudi Gazette For more information: www.nour
