Islam has laid down lofty standards for how the Muslim, who traverses the methodology of the Prophetic Sunnah, should deal with his brother who has differed with him in an issue of ijtihad. Indeed, how outstanding is the statement of the Prophet (peace be upon him): “Indeed I have been sent to perfect noble manners.” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, No.273, authenticated by Al-Albani) From these etiquettes are: 1. To have an open heart in accepting what comes to you by way of clarification of the mistakes that you have made, and to know that this is from the sincere advice which your brother for Allah's sake is giving to you as a gift. So know that your refusal of the truth and your becoming angry for your own self is actually from pride; may Allah protect us. Indeed, the most eminently truthful (peace be upon him), said: “Pride is to reject the truth and to scorn other people.” (Sahih Muslim, No. 91) There are many examples of the noble manners that the pious Muslims of the past have demonstrated to us. Hafidh Ibn Abdul-Barr reported that Abu Muhammad Qasim Bin Asbagh said: “When I travelled to the east, I stopped at Al-Qayrawan and I took the Hadith of Musaddad from Bakr Bin Hammad. “One day I read to him the Hadith: ‘...a people from Mudar came in stripped woolen shirts (Mujtabi An-Nimar)...' He said: ‘It is Mujtabi Ath-Thimaar.' I said, ‘Mujtabi An-Nimar is how I read it out to all those I read it to in Andalus and Iraq.' So he said: ‘You have, by entering Iraq, contradicted us and become arrogant against us. Stand with us and let us go to the sheikh – who was in the mosque – for he is knowledgeable about this.' So we went to the sheikh and he agreed with me. Bakr Bin Hammad then held his nose and said: ‘My nose debases itself to the truth, my nose humbles itself to the truth.'” (Abridged from Mukhtasar Jami Bayanul-Ilm wa Fadlihi, p. 123) What amazing sense of justice! How much are we in need of this today?! However, this is not possible except for those who purify their intentions for Allah's sake. Indeed Imam Malik, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “There is nothing in our time more scarce than justice.” (Ibid, p. 120) So what is the case in our present time – a time in which false desires are plentiful? We seek refuge in Allah from the misguiding trials. 2. To use the finest and most appropriate words when discussing with your brother, for Allah has said: “And speak good to the people.” (Qur'an, 2:83) The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “There will be nothing more heavier on the believer's scales on the Day of judgement than good character. Indeed Allah hates the wicked and the ill-mouthed person.” (Abu Dawood, No. 4799). 3. To discuss with your brother what is better and more appropriate. Your guiding principle in this should be truth and its clarification. It should not be to seek victory of your ego or your soul that invites towards evil. Your behavior in what you utter should be one of sincerity. If, however, the affair with your brother reaches the level of speculative argumentation, then give him the greeting of Salaam and remind him of the saying of the Messenger (peace be upon him): “I am a guarantor for a house on the outskirts of Paradise for the one who leaves off arguing, even if he is right.” (Abu Dawood, No. 4800; Al-Albani declared it Hasan) Abdullah Bin Hasan said: “Argumentation corrupts friendship and unties the strongest of bonds. The least harm it contains is strife, and strife leads to severing relations.” – SG/Excerpts from Understanding the Etiquette of Differing __
