Clanging swords, thundering mythical figures, shrieking monsters – about all that's missing from the self-consciously kitsch retread of “Clash of the Titans” is Laurence Olivier pitching a fit in a toga. Released in 1981, the first “Clash” starred Sir Larry as Zeus alongside titans of the stage and screen like Claire Bloom (as Hera), Maggie Smith (Thetis) and Ursula Andress (Aphrodite). Harry Hamlin, wearing the “dry look” and robes so voluminous he could have rigged the entire Greek fleet, played Perseus, the half-human son of Zeus, whose adventures and pillowy lips pushed this mythic tale straight into the realm of cinematic camp. If you don't remember the film or the myth, not to worry: there are titans, they clash. Along the way Perseus triumphs, and a villainess loses her head, though by the time that happens, you might wish the reverse were true. Although tricked out in superfluous, often distracting 3-D, the remake doesn't as much improve on the original as match it goofily amusing moment for moment. One diverting attraction is the Djinn, desert inhabitants with subwoofer vocalizations and questionable ethnic associations. Among the other stereotypes lingering at the edges are some decorative items (Gemma Arterton as Io, Alexa Davalos as Andromeda) whose lack of presence is more lethal than Medusa's gaze. Once again a few principals have been skimmed from the cream of contemporary British (and Commonwealth) film, notably Ralph Fiennes, who, entering in a cloud of soot à la Pigpen, appears to have flown in from the last “Harry Potter” to stir up trouble as Hades. (Even with his body and face digitally obscured, Fiennes reminds you that what really animates effects-laden movies are people.) Looking every inch a heavy-metal figure, with a tangle of beard and power shoulder pads, Liam Neeson plays his brother Zeus, who rules from Mount Olympus, where his back-up band includes another sibling, Poseidon (Danny Huston), and Apollo (Luke Evans), one of several pretty boys rounding out the cast. First among men or at least heartthrobs is Sam Worthington, who, as Perseus, comes equipped with the same buzz cut and sexy scowl that served him well during the live-action sequences in “Avatar.” That glower suggests that Worthington either believes he's in a significant movie or worries he's made a huge career mistake; either way, he's the latest big-screen attraction to strap on a sword and sandals to vanquish the box office. It's still unclear if he can act (Crowe certainly can when he's in the mood), but he holds the screen effortlessly while the likes of Polly Walker (as Cassiopeia) and Mads Mikkelsen (Draco, a warrior), do their best to fill in the holes with their charisma and marvelous faces. The characters, including the inevitably valiant warriors who aide Perseus during his computer-assisted adventures, are as predictable as the action scenes, which is what some companies want when they manufacture global products of this type. But enough of the myth remains to keep your eyes open, as do some of the performances – Fiennes earns his pay – even when the frenetic editing at times pitches the movie into near visual incoherence. The finale, which lurches among locations, destroys all notion of time, space, sense. The original “Clash of the Titans” is best remembered for the terrifically vivid and detailed creatures created by Ray Harryhausen, the special-effects wizard whose stop-motion animations enlivened fantasies like “Jason and the Argonauts” and influenced generations of filmmakers, Peter Jackson included. Harryhausen isn't listed in the credits for the “Clash of the Titans” makeover. He should be. Not only because of his enormous influence on the fantasy genre, but also because of his creature designs for the first “Clash,” which he helped produce. The creatures in the redo – specifically hissy Medusa and the monstrous Kraken – might have been partly conjured up in a computer, but they were dreamed up for the screen by Harryhausen. – New York Times “Clash of the Titans” is rated PG-13 (Parents strongly cautioned). Swords, scorpions, snakes, statuary. __
