When I first moved to London, every time I went to my local shop I found they treated me somewhat dismissively, and I assumed it to be perhaps a question of racism, because of my appearance, or color, or even my English which basically resembled anything but real English… Even my secretary, working under my authority, treated me the same way. One morning, however, I decided enough was enough after I asked her to type up an urgent letter and she turned to me and said forthrightly: “Say, ‘Please,' first!” Taken aback by her bossy tone at me, her boss, I confronted her with a stare and didn't deign to respond, and she marched off and came back a quarter of an hour later and said contemptuously, “There you go!” and threw the letter down in front of me. As she did so, she stood there waiting for me to say something. Like the proverbial brick wall I held my silence, until she stomped off muttering something unintelligible to herself. Affronted, I got up and went after her in the manner of a schoolteacher about to reprimand a boorish pupil, but before I could even begin she turned to me and said: “Have you never been taught to say ‘please' or ‘thank you'?!” Saying nothing, it was this time my turn to storm off muttering to myself words that can't be printed here. That night I found myself wondering who was the real rude person here, me or her, and I started to try and count the times I had said to her “please”, or “thank you,” or “if you wouldn't mind…” And I concluded…not once! Zilch! Zilch ad infinitum… “Who is really the rude one here?” I asked myself again. “Me or her?” The next morning I went down to my local shop and tried out, albeit timidly, a couple of phrases of politeness such as “please” and “could I..?” and “thank you” and witnessed the hostile grimace of the shop assistant immediately turn into a welcoming smile. Buoyed by my triumph, I decided to give the same trick a go on my secretary, and before I knew it the expression “please” became a staple part of every request I made. I'd often take it a step further, putting together an enthusiastic “Please and thank you!” as a single request, or proffer a preemptive “If you'd be so kind and thank you in advance!” just to make completely sure I couldn't be accused of the age-old impoliteness which I'd inherited. For indeed it is an age-old inheritance that I had lived through without ever realizing how marvelous the appreciation and respect of others is, if only through a single word – “please” – or a phrase – “If you would…” for in affairs such as these I am like a great many of my fellow countryfolk. Civilized persons do not glean their “cultured behavior” from books, nor is it attained upon reception of some high academic certificate, but instead it lies in our sense of humanity toward each other. It's what we do, not what we read. I needed my secretary to teach me a salutary lesson in how to be a human being with ministers, bosses, and newspaper salesmen alike, and so today I owe her a big “thank you!” And to my secretary I also say this: “I wish I could send to you everyone I know so that you can teach them the same lesson. But who on Earth would you begin with, and where on Earth would you end?!” – Okaz/SG – The writer is a regular Okaz columnist __
