year-old daughter to have a sleepover at a friend's house,” proclaimed a dad at a recent parenting workshop. “I've read about the stuff that happened with kids at Michael Jackson's sleepovers, and I just don't see why I should expose my child to the risk of being sexually abused and scarred for life. Am I wrong?” This is a tough question that doesn't have an easy answer. The most recent data on child sexual abuse provides both good and bad news for parents. The good news is that the number of sexually abused children in 2006 was about half of what it was in the early 1990s, dropping from 150,000 cases to 78,000 in the United States. That's a very significant decline, due to aggressive prosecution of offenders, prevention efforts by schools and parents and a greater societal sensitivity to this serious problem. The bad news is that while the rate has decreased, more than 200 children are sexually abused each day. The nature of this problem has become clearer over the years. The age of greatest vulnerability continues to be 12- to 15-year-old children, with most victims being girls. Children are rarely abused by strangers. The effects of sexual abuse are typically serious and long term. Every time you allow your child to leave your house, you are balancing risks with rewards. Parents allow their kids to go to school, participate in girl activities, attend youth groups, and play sports. How can you minimize the possibility of your child being sexually abused at a sleepover? 1. Talk with your children about sexual abuse. Be specific and concrete. This is not a one-time conversation, but should occur regularly through adolescence. 2. Use everyday events as a starting point of discussion. Show this column to your teens, and ask them why young adolescents have the highest likelihood of being abused. Sexual abuse thrives on secrecy. An open discussion with your kids is the best way to help keep them safe. 3. Talk about safety. Beyond the ages of 7 to 10, many kids roll their eyes and discount their parent's discussion of this topic. “Mom, I already know that stuff” is a typical response. Talk about this issue in the context of safety and problem solving. Try this technique. Ask your kids “what if?” questions as a way to encourage discussion. What would you do if?.. • You got home and the key to the house didn't work? • A friend told you a secret and made you promise not to tell? • You went to a sleepover and saw something that you knew wasn't right? • Someone threatened to kill your puppy if you told about something bad he did to you? What's great about this approach is that it fosters communication rather than lecturing. If you listen carefully, you can better appreciate how your children deal with all types of problems. 4. Speak with the family hosting the sleepover. Clarify your expectations about video games, movies, and supervision. Are there weapons in the house? Will there be an adult present at all times? Ask about the sleeping arrangements. Don't allow older teens to supervise younger kids at a sleepover. If you are uncomfortable asking these questions, you probably shouldn't allow your child to spend the night with that family. 5. Pick your child up if she calls you during the night. Make sure she knows this beforehand. 6. Be around in the morning. Kids don't like to be interrogated about sleepovers, but ask a few questions, listen, and be available in case your child wants to talk about anything that happened. - Cox News Service *Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at Children's Medical Center of Dayton. __
