run marriage bureaus are the norm for many expats, especially from South Asia, who are looking for suitable matches for their children. However, the information provided by these bureaus, such as, the family background, residential status, etc., of the prospective bride/groom is often incorrect or insufficient, and when not thoroughly investigated, it can jeopardize the future of the persons involved. Such is the story of the then 18-year-old Naila (name changed), a Pakistani girl living in Jeddah, who in 2006 married 32-year-old Faisal Ahmed, who after three years of marriage deserted her and returned to Pakistan. “He went to Pakistan and did not come back. Initially he used to phone me but later he stopped replying to my calls and emails. The only email he sent eight months back read: ‘I am not interested in you and you can consider that I have given you Talaq',” said Naila. She said she had never met Faisal before the marriage and that she only accepted her parent's decision about him. Faisal, she said, belongs to a rich Punjabi family, and at the time of marriage worked in a travel agency in Jeddah. Naila's family came to know of Faisal's proposal through a Jeddah-based marriage bureau. “We investigated Faisal by asking his family and friends in Pakistan about him, and we did not find anything objectionable. However, it seems that all the assurances that the matchmaker and Faisal's mother gave us were a lie,” said Muhammad (name changed), Naila's father, who has three other children. He said he wanted his daughter to live in Jeddah after her marriage. A Pakistani woman, who has been running a marriage bureau in Jeddah for over eight years, said the bureau is only responsible for “setting up a meeting between the two parties and further enquiry about either of the two families is not our responsibility.” “With a registration fee of SR200 we accept the bio-data and picture of the prospective bride/ groom. When both parties are satisfied and are ready to formalize things, they must pay a fee of SR500, which they agree upon at the time of registration,” said the matchmaker, who requested anonymity. She said that they do not generally register a boy unless he “comes with a female relative at the time of the registration. Though we are unable to prove that the woman is indeed his relative, we do this only to avoid any fraud.” “We are not lying or cheating. It is trust that matters most in this profession,” she added. Naila's mother recalled that Faisal's mother, who had come to the Kingdom on an Umrah visa at the time of the marriage, was “very polite when she had asked for Naila's hand in marriage for son. She refused to have an engagement ceremony and forced us for an immediate nikah. She was cooperative and well-behaved with my daughter during the marriage,” she said. Naila was living at her parent's home after marriage and she said she observed changes in Faisal's behavior when her family started forcing him for the rukhsati (sending the bride off to her husband's home). “We used to attend parties together; he came to my home several times and stayed with us. When I started to repeatedly tell him to rent a house for us, he changed his behavior,” she said. Mohammed Nasrullah, welfare attaché at the Pakistani Consulate in Jeddah, said: “Marriage is a civil contract between two families and parents of both the girl and the boy are responsible if something calamitous happens. Social pressure in such cases plays an important role.” He said the Consulate does not register those marriages in which the persons (prospective groom/ bride) do not have with them any blood relatives. “Moreover, the girl's parents must investigate and closely observe the behavior of the boy's relatives as that can be a clue to understanding his nature and attitude. This is necessary for the security of the girl,” advised Nasrullah. Meanwhile, Naila and her family say they have learnt their lessons. “We wrongly believed that a man's good job and his status were all that was necessary to provide a better future for our daughters. It is actually his family background and his nature that matter the most. We were duped by the outward appearance of Faisal's family and his parent's good attitude,” said Muhammad, adding that because they have been living in the Kingdom for ‘decades', he could not conduct proper investigations in Pakistan about Faisal. Asserting that she does not hold her parents responsible for whatever happened, Naila said: “When a person decides to cheat and take advantage of his living abroad, only strict conditions and rules and regulations can stop him from doing so.” She said she is not waiting for Faisal anymore. “A lesson learnt is that not all single, well-off boys living in foreign countries are right for your daughters. In a foreign country, expat parents have an additional difficulty in finding suitable boys for their daughters,” said Naila.
