The spiraling rates of divorce in Muslim communities around the world, leaving an aftermath of broken homes, heartbreak and a lifetime of psychological scars for the people and families involved has to be seen first-hand to be believed. If there's anyone who still feels that broken marriages and homes are a phenomenon that happen only to “others”, they are invited to take a look at these statistics: In 2008, the Ministry of Social Affairs announced that the current rate of divorce in the Kingdom stands at a whopping 30 percent. According to figures from the Qatar Statistics Authority (QSA), 1,000 divorces took place in 2007, compared to just over 3,200 marriages – comparable to one of the highest divorce rates in the world. According to a study conducted in the 1990s by Dr. Ilyas Ba-Yunus, a sociology professor at State University of New York, the overall divorce rate among Muslims in North America was estimated at an astounding 31 percent. This is “a far cry from the Muslim world's two highest divorce rates: Turkey and Egypt, with 10 percent each.” (“Divorce Among Muslims” by Ilyas Ba-Yunus, Islamic Horizons magazine, July/August 2000 issue). Divorce rates in the Muslim communities in the Indian subcontinent which had remained low thus far, are now catching up with global trends as people shake off the social stigma associated with divorce. Divorce rates among Muslims in Singapore have risen since the 1970s, to top those of Indonesia and Malaysia, with about nine divorces among every 1,000 married Muslims. According to Professor Gavin Jones of the Asia Research Institute, who discussed the burgeoning rate of divorces in his paper “Not When To Marry But Whether To Marry” at an international Asia Tends Conference in 2004, attributed the cause to being “a minority group in a highly meritocratic society with all the pressures it entails.” While these statistics have been the subject of a great deal of debate and further research among statisticians, demographers and community leaders, on a personal level, they invite each of us to a great deal of individual introspection. There are a number of factors being cited as the causes of divorce in Muslim communities: domestic abuse, infidelity on the part of one spouse, compulsive and incurable bad habits like indulgence in drugs, drink or pornography, family interference, incompatibility between spouses, socio-economic differences and unrealistic expectations. However, from the spiritual point of view they all point towards the lack of one basic quality: neglecting the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him) in word, action and spirit. If this seems like an extremely simplistic deduction, a look at the clear-cut instructions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his own practices with regard to marriage should clarify matters. Before marriage The Companion Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) as saying: “A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust.” (Sahih Muslim, no. 3497) Today, how many people can honestly claim to follow this Hadith in their choice of a prospective spouse? Having closely observed and participated in meetings where families discuss the merits of prospective spouses for their children, it seems as if piety is the last consideration after good looks, material worth and a good education or job. Indeed, in some cases, prospective brides and suitors are outright turned down for being “too religious”. Is it any wonder then, after we choose to purposely go against the injunctions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) that we find there is no barakah (blessing) left in our marriages? During marriage There are too many cultural customs that we follow “religiously” and to the T while celebrating marriages (think extravagant pre-marriage bridal showers, henna parties, hen nights, lavish weddings and honeymoons) – while carelessly overlooking the authentic tradition and the practice of the Prophet (peace be upon him), which was seeking simplicity and the establishment of piety in our homes and the community. Besides, there are too many un-Islamic traditions and habits that we expect our spouses to conform to, while ignoring the Qur'anic injunction to abide with our spouses with “mutual mercy and love”. (Qur'an, 30:21) There are numerous well-known instances where the Prophet (peace be upon him) showed exemplary patience and forbearance in his married life; where he fulfilled the rights of his wives without demanding his own. Far from keeping this Sunnah alive in our marriages today, we are intent on pursuing our own rights to the exclusion of everything else, taking pride in the fact that we have a “zero-tolerance” policy towards our spouse's quirks. Is this what we have learnt from the Sunnah of our Prophet (peace be upon him) who humored his wives, indulged their differences of habit and moods with supreme patience, and even left injunctions to his nation to not meddle with the innate nature of women. Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) as saying: “A woman is like a rib. When you attempt to straighten it, you would break it. And if you leave her alone you would benefit by her…” (Sahih Muslim, no. 3466) – SG Insha Allah next week: The Qur'an and Sunnah on achieving an amicable divorce __
