New statistics revealed by Dr. Ibrahim Mubarak Al-Jowair, a Saudi social researcher, confirm the theory that some Saudi women are experiencing guilt at leaving their children at home and spending much of their time and effort in their careers. Saudi Gazette met with a number of Saudi women who are suffering intense psychological stress because of their work. “I love my work and really enjoy it, but I have trouble working with certain restrictions in place. I believe those women who are seriously considering leaving their careers are doing so because of other reasons, not a guilty conscience,” says Zakiyah Aamer, a Saudi woman who works in marketing. Manal Sobhi is another Saudi woman who complains of losing the ability to pursue her career successfully because of her husband's restrictions. “When I got married I was still studying at university. My husband promised me that he would allow me to work in my field – interior design - but after I became pregnant with our first child, he forced me to postpone pursuing my career until I had fully recovered,” says Manal. “Now my child is two years old and I feel that I can start working. However, my husband will only allow me to do so after I have found someone to mind my child when I am at work,” she added. Manal is also expected to contribute financially to the expenses associated with her work. “My husband asks me to spend on my child's babysitter, the housemaid, as well as the driver even though he knows that my salary will not be enough for all this,” she complains. Saudi society takes a traditional view of a woman's responsibilities and role in society. “Saudi society places much emphasis on the relations between family members, such as parents and children, a woman and her in-laws, and even friends. Not surprisingly, it is overwhelming for a woman to juggle all these relations, give her children a good upbringing as well as pursue a career successfully,” remarks Mansour Bin Askar, a professor of Sociology at King Saud University in Riyadh. “Women have become victims in our society, as they cannot possibly accommodate all the responsibilities of life placed on them,” he added. According to Bin Askar, dividing responsibilities between the couple is the way in which couples have traditionally operated with this dilemma, as the husband takes care of financial requirements while the wife takes care of the home and children. “I don't claim that the home and children are a woman's main priority, but this is how our society overwhelmingly views a woman,” remarks Bin Askar, adding “Women can contribute to society in very important ways, but they face great hurdles in the world outside their home.” Drawing from his experience in family reformation work, he also asserts that the reason (that is provided - presumably by the husband and his family) behind most divorce cases within the Kingdom recently has been the wife's career. In some cases, the wife has also been burdened with providing for her family financially. “My husband does not work and depends on me to provide for our home economically as well as provide an allowance for him,” says one Saudi woman who does not wish to be named. The arrangement seems to sit well with her though. “I am not upset with this arrangement because he has given me complete freedom to do whatever I want, and go wherever I want without him investigating every move of mine,” she adds. The family reformation committee in Riyadh is currently receiving large numbers of such cases, but not all women are fine with contributing financially at home. “Most wives that contribute financially at home become very strong and independent, and often that leads to their dominance at home, and increased insecurity in their husbands,” comments Bin Askar, adding “I have received calls from many men who feel that they have lost control of their homes because their wives are contributing financially, and this has made them marry a second time, as a way of compensating for their inferiority complex.” There is also a religious view about the whole issue. “Women are not fundamentally meant to go out and work, unlike men who have been placed with the responsibility of providing for their families,” says Sheikh Asem Al-Hakim, the Imam of Jafer Al-Tayar mosque, in Jeddah. He adds that Islam does not forbid a woman from working if she follows basic Islamic rules, such as not mixing with unrelated men, prioritizing her family and home and not leaving her husband alone at home with the maid. “It is considered unacceptable in Islam for a woman to hand over her salary to her husband, and particularly for a husband to force his wife to do so, but a woman can pay the salaries of a maid and driver if her husband is unable to do so,” remarks Al-Hakim. Bin Askar advises women to refrain from handing over their salaries to their husbands by devising a plan whereby they agree to contribute on a monthly basis to some kind of a ‘project' that will repay their money in the future.
