Sometimes heartfelt advice is the best gift you can give someone you love, especially if time and distance will separate the two of you. You hope to leave your child or friend or younger sibling with words of wisdom, something they will remember for years to come, something they can lean on in times of distress when they need to find inner strength, and something that will set them on the right way. My own father's words still ring in my ears; he always used to say, “Do good, then throw it into the sea” – meaning do good deeds and do not mention your good deeds to anyone and do not expect any thanks or gratitude from any person, only pray for rewards from Allah. In a beautiful family I know, the mother's constant message was: “Nothing is more important than salah (prayer).” She said that over and over again, every day. Now, decades later, her children are grown men and women, when the call for prayer is heard, they leave anything they may be doing, and they perform the prayer. By reading stories of the pious men and women in our history, we too can benefit from their advice, as the lessons they taught will never die. One father's advice to his son was so wise, important, and eloquent that his words were even mentioned in the Holy Qur'an. The honorable Luqman was a pious man who exerted himself in worship and who was blessed with wisdom. What Luqman said to his son is an excellent reminder to improve our own character, and also to share with the people we care about. What strikes me as so intelligent is not only what Luqman said to his son, but the way he said it. First, he won his son's heart and then he advised him. Luqman, may Allah be pleased with him, did not start out by lecturing, criticizing, or looking down upon his son – a common mistake that parents and even friends make, myself included I must admit. Luqman started by drawing near to his son. He did not say “ya ibni” which means my son, rather he chose to say “ya bunayya” which means my dear son, and is used to express affection and love.
* First, this loving father advised his son to be wary of fall into the sin of committing shirk. Do not associate partners with Allah; worship none other than Allah. * Treat your parents with respect and kindness. Your parents are entitled to your help and generosity, and to be treated in a kind and gentle manner, regardless if your parents are Muslim or non-Muslim. Here, Luqman reminds his son of what a mother endures for her children: hardships of pregnancy, the pangs of childbirth, and caring for the child in infancy and beyond.
* Hold yourself accountable for what you do, and know that Allah is aware of all good or bad that you do. If you earn a good deed as small as a mustard seed or commit a sin as small as a mustard seed, Allah knows it.
* My dear son, daughter, brother, or sister, perform the salah for your own success in this world and in the Hereafter. Pray each prayer on time and pray it with full awareness of being in the presence of the Lord. It is through prayer that we will find solace, refuge, and comfort from the worries and problems we face in our lives.
* Enjoin the good and forbid the evil. This is a duty upon every Muslim, but we must remember to have good character when advising others, and not to be harsh and arrogant. Encourage others to do good by setting the right example, by praising them for trying, and by mentioning the rewards from Allah that awaits them for doing good deeds.
* “Bear with patience whatever befalls you”, this golden piece of advice is what Luqman taught his son. Difficulties happen: illness, financial troubles, separation, death of a loved one, or family problems. It is patience that helps us cope with such trials. Patience is the key to overcoming troubles. Being patient is not easy, but it is the mark of a Muslim. In the Holy Qur'an, Allah has promised those who are patient that He will give them reward without measure.
* “And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not any arrogant boaster,” said Luqman to his son, as mentioned in the Holy Qur'an. Arrogance is an undesirable trait, and it can even prevent one from entering Paradise. Ibn Al-Qayyim warned believers against becoming proud and pompous, and judgmental towards others. Ibn Al-Qayyim said about one who may have committed a sin, “It may be that his sin and what has happened to him, such as his feeling humble and submissive, thinking less of himself, ridding himself of pious pretensions, arrogance and self-admiration, standing before Allah with his head bowed, his gaze lowered and his heart broken – it may be that all of that is better for him than you feeling proud of your obedience, thinking that you are doing much good, believing that by doing so you are important.”
* On a final note, Luqman, the caring and intelligent father, advised his son to be moderate in his walking and to not raise his voice.Many misunderstandings between co-workers, disputes among families, and arguments between spouses result because either party is not willing to listen to the other, voices spike, and emotions quickly escalate into anger. And when angry, we say things that we will regret later and that make reconciliation even harder. Luqman's advice encourages moderation and an inclination to silence.
There is truth in the sayings: “If speaking is silver, then silence is gold” and “Think before you speak.” These lesson ring true in Islam, as Prophet Muhammad (peace upon him) said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him say good or remain silent.”
