THE rampant domestic abuse cases reported each month in newspapers in the Kingdom are extremely disturbing. How can any man following the religion of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) brutally beat his wife? It is Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) who said, “The best among you is the one who is the best towards his wife.” – not the richest, or most handsome, or most educated, or highest class – but the best in how he treats his wife. Violence against women and children can be attributed to the abandonment of the teachings of Islam, a religion that calls for mercy, compassion, and gentleness. Some men (not all) have adopted the teachings of Islam on the exterior, such as white thobe and a long beard, but on the inside the faith has not rectified their character, softened their hearts, or inspired them to treat their women kindly. The number of abuse cases against women and juveniles in the Kingdom last year reached 2,797; according to Al-Arabiya. That is only the tip of the iceberg because many cases go unreported as women rarely come forth with their stories. According to a study by the National Family Safety Program, about 65% of domestic violence is perpetrated by the husband. Shoura member, Nehad Al-Hebshi, said that between 21% and 26% of pregnant women in the Kingdom are victims of domestic violence. How did Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) treat his wives? What was he like in his home? The Prophet (peace be upon him) was of noble character and was moderate and lenient. He never hurt a woman, physically or emotionally, nor did he anger quickly. Aisha, wife of the Prophet (peace be upon him), said, “The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, never struck anyone with his hand at all except in battle in the way of Allah. He never hit a servant or a woman.” He was never rude; he refrained from using bad language or speaking harshly towards anyone. Muslim men have a lot to learn from their blessed Prophet (peace be upon him). Aisha said, “Whenever any of his companions or the people of his household called him, he would reply, ‘At your service'.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) was patient and tolerant; treating his wives with companionship, friendship, and tenderness. He never treated his wives like subordinates, ruling over them, or instilling fear. He allowed room for intellectual discussion and for them to voice their opinions and argue. The strong and stern Omar ibn Al-Khattab, a companion of the Prophet (peace be upon him), disputed with his wife and she answered back. He disliked her approach, which he regarded as disrespect. When he condemned her behavior, she informed him that the Prophet (peace be upon him) never forbade his wives from discussing and stating their own opinions. Omar realized that if the Prophet (peace be upon him) was forbearing, then he too must be more tolerant, understanding, flexible, and accepting. Men have a right to be respected by their wives, but the husband should also respect his wife. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) acknowledged his wives' insight and wisdom, and he sought their advice on important issues. At the time of the Hudaybiyah treaty, the Prophet (peace be upon him) informed his companions who were on their way to perform pilgrimage that they could no longer proceed and that they must discard the ihram (attire worn for pilgrimage) and shave their heads. Since shaving the head is done only after completion of the pilgrimage and the companions were disappointed for not performing the pilgrimage, they did not comply with the Prophet's orders. He repeated his request three times but none moved. The Prophet asked his wife, Umm Salamah, for advice. She said, “Go out and without saying a word to any of them, take off your own ihram and ask your barber to shave your head.” Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) heeded his wife's advice and did exactly as she suggested. She was right! Immediately, the men removed their ihram (pilgrimage clothing) and began shaving each other's heads. How about in the home of the Prophet (peace be upon him)? He was not the type to sit back and relax whilst giving out orders and criticizing; instead he would help out in the house. Aisha said, “He would clean his clothes, mend his sandals, serve himself, sweep the house, and tie his own camel. He would take the camels to graze and would eat with the servants. He would knead bread with them and carry his own goods from the market.” Good natured and cheerful, he smiled often and laughed at the jokes and stories his wives told him. A mercy to all of humanity, he was sensitive to the needs and feelings of those around him. He never belittled his wives or dismissed their concerns or complaints; he listened and attempted to alleviate their distress. Safiyah, originally from a Jewish tribe, embraced Islam when she married the Prophet (peace be upon him). One of the other wives once said to Safiyah, “You Jew!” Safiyah started to cry and when the Prophet saw her crying he asked what the matter was. She told him what had happened. The Prophet (peace be upon him) consoled her and said of her lineage, “You are the daughter of Prophet Aaron, your uncle (Moses) was a prophet and now you are the wife of a prophet. You have much to be proud of.” Although he was a busy religious, political, military, and social leader, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) still found the time and patience to care for his wives, listen to their problems, and cheer them up when they were in need of hearing a kind word. Society needs more men like him, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him.
