Saudi Crown Prince, Iranian president discuss regional developments in Eid phone call    Rain expected in Makkah and Jeddah on Saturday    Al-Jadaan: Crown Prince's directives confirm government's ability to bring back balance to real estate market    China retaliates against Trump's trade war with 34% reciprocal tariffs on US goods    Saudi Arabia condemns Israeli escalation, targeting of civilians and Saudi warehouse in Gaza    Danish PM dismisses US desire to annex Greenland 'You cannot annex another country'    Macron lashes out against Trump's 'brutal' tariffs, calls for a pause in investment    Veteran Bollywood actor Manoj Kumar dies at 87    New Laws of Commercial Registration and Trade Names take effect on Thursday    Foreign investors are allowed to engage in real estate business outside Makkah and Madinah Commercial speculation should not be the purpose of real estate transaction    New fleet of 76 public transport buses starts operation in Jeddah on Tuesday Environmentally friendly electric buses introduced for first time    Tesla sales plunge after backlash against Elon Musk    Aubameyang fires Al Qadsiah into King's Cup final with stoppage-time winner over Al Raed    Cristiano Ronaldo joins Fatal Fury: City of the Wolves    Musk's X is suing India, as Tesla and Starlink plan entry    Swedish table tennis legend Jörgen Persson appointed head coach of Saudi national team    Danilo Pereira fires Al Ittihad into King's Cup final with dramatic stoppage-time double    Screen time in bed linked to insomnia, study finds    Mexico bans junk food in schools to fight childhood obesity epidemic    Sweet sales surge ahead of Eid as Saudi chocolate imports top 123 million kg in 2024    Saudi creatives shine at Jeddah's Fawanees Nights with art, fashion, and storytelling    Bollywood actress vindicated over boyfriend's death after media hounding    Grand Mufti rules against posting prayers and preaching in mosques on social media    King Salman prays for peace and stability for Palestinians in Ramadan message King reaffirms Saudi Arabia's commitment to serving the Two Holy Mosques and pilgrims    Exotic Taif Roses Simulation Performed at Taif Rose Festival    Asian shares mixed Tuesday    Weather Forecast for Tuesday    Saudi Tourism Authority Participates in Arabian Travel Market Exhibition in Dubai    Minister of Industry Announces 50 Investment Opportunities Worth over SAR 96 Billion in Machinery, Equipment Sector    HRH Crown Prince Offers Condolences to Crown Prince of Kuwait on Death of Sheikh Fawaz Salman Abdullah Al-Ali Al-Malek Al-Sabah    HRH Crown Prince Congratulates Santiago Peña on Winning Presidential Election in Paraguay    SDAIA Launches 1st Phase of 'Elevate Program' to Train 1,000 Women on Data, AI    41 Saudi Citizens and 171 Others from Brotherly and Friendly Countries Arrive in Saudi Arabia from Sudan    Saudi Arabia Hosts 1st Meeting of Arab Authorities Controlling Medicines    General Directorate of Narcotics Control Foils Attempt to Smuggle over 5 Million Amphetamine Pills    NAVI Javelins Crowned as Champions of Women's Counter-Strike: Global Offensive (CS:GO) Competitions    Saudi Karate Team Wins Four Medals in World Youth League Championship    Third Edition of FIFA Forward Program Kicks off in Riyadh    Evacuated from Sudan, 187 Nationals from Several Countries Arrive in Jeddah    SPA Documents Thajjud Prayer at Prophet's Mosque in Madinah    SFDA Recommends to Test Blood Sugar at Home Two or Three Hours after Meals    SFDA Offers Various Recommendations for Safe Food Frying    SFDA Provides Five Tips for Using Home Blood Pressure Monitor    SFDA: Instant Soup Contains Large Amounts of Salt    Mawani: New shipping service to connect Jubail Commercial Port to 11 global ports    Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques Delivers Speech to Pilgrims, Citizens, Residents and Muslims around the World    Sheikh Al-Issa in Arafah's Sermon: Allaah Blessed You by Making It Easy for You to Carry out This Obligation. Thus, Ensure Following the Guidance of Your Prophet    Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques addresses citizens and all Muslims on the occasion of the Holy month of Ramadan    









Girls in family prisons!
Published in The Saudi Gazette on 11 - 03 - 2014


Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi
For a long time, she couldn't explain why a pretty, educated and smart girl like her, with a good family name, couldn't marry. Finally, on the night of her twenty-eight birthday, she opened her heart.
It was a long call, four years, ago, but I still remember how her heart-broken story broke my heart.
She said: "I am a normal girl, who needs to love and be loved, care and be taken care of, have kids and her own home and family life.
"I know, what I always say, you don't need to remind me, that I am the one who is making conditions and choices, and refuse good men because of their nationality, intellectuality or family bloodline. Or that it was luck, or misunderstanding, or disagreement between the families.
"All that, however, is not true. I had to fabricate stories to cover the unbelievable truth. It is all about my father and his strange thinking ways.
"In the beginning, he was telling us, his five daughters, that only a man of blue blood is worthy of us. A half sister, whose mother came from a better family than ours, managed to marry such a gentleman. Then her full brother married into an equally noble family.
"Now, the standards are set so high for the rest of us. Trouble is we are from non-Saudi mother, who came from a poor family of no tribal bloodline. Worse, we were brought up by our parents in metropolitan Jeddah, not in his conservative home base. So our attitudes, like not covering the face, working in mixed environment, traveling and studying abroad on our own … and talking to men as equals, brought us down the ladder of good future wives to our tribe and family young men. Our exotic beauty haven't helped much. So, here we are, unable to get husbands from either camps: the tribal and non-tribal.
"Finally, a sister, during her study abroad, decided to take matters into her own hands, and married a Saudi of a lesser tribal bloodline — secretly. Even-though he comes from a rich and well positioned family, highly educated and holds a good state position, my family would not have accepted his proposal.
"Somehow, my father agreed. He accepted the situation as is, but was afraid his tribe would react harshly agains him and us. If they couldn't get a divorce, then his interests would be hurt. Worse, all of his daughters would be blacklisted. Our ranking would go from down to zero. So, he decided to keep my sister's marriage confidential —forever.
"As for me, I was deeply in love once. But my beloved was a hopeless case. As a non-Saudi, non-tribal, he couldn't even propose. His mother finally intervened and get him to marry a girl from his own country.
"After him, I only thought about marriage as a project. My head, not my heart, led me to accept more than one proposal from fine young men, with good families, fortune, and education. But my father had always turned them away! He would always find some faults with them. And if he couldn't, he invents. A couple of times, he didn't even bother to see them. And when he saw how upsetting this was to me, he got sick. The last time, he was admitted to hospital in a serious condition.
"Finally, he talked to me. He didn't pretend or lie, and simply said — 'I can't live without you! I can't imagine you in a place other than your home — my home. I won't accept, as long as I live, that you go under the wing of another man — any man'.
"It was insane, but I accepted, and promised him not to think of marriage, as long as he lives. He was over seventy then, with bad heart and many other serious medical problems. I couldn't … I could not let him die on my watch and because of me. So … I just … waited!"
During her long call, she didn't' cry. She didn't sound in despair. The girl just accepted her fate, and resigned herself to it.
Two years later, her father died. But by then, it was too late for her. Her, and her sisters' choices were very limited, as her brothers insisted on the same standards for husbands. Those who fit the bill were not interested in a working girl, over thirty, with a foreign mother and “liberal” attitudes. So … she fell in love again … with a foreigner! All her sisters did the same.
"What else could fill the hunger in our hearts and souls, but love! To hell with customs and traditions. Marriage or no marriage, we shall find a way to satisfy our needs!," she recently said.
See, dear readers, how wrong could lead to wrong?! That what really breaks my heart and leads me to despair about the future of too many of our daughters.What is your take on this? Let's discuss it.
— Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi can be reached at kbatarfi@gmail.com and followed on Twitter: @kbatarfi


Clic here to read the story from its source.