IT was while watching the Oprah Winfrey Show many years ago that I realized; times have changed. A mother had written and published a children's book and dedicated it to her daughter. The mother shared with Oprah that she regretted spending many of the daughter's young years working hard in her career and hadn't given her daughter the time and attention she deserved. The book was a gift from mother to daughter saying, “I'm sorry and I love you.” Oprah turned to the daughter and asked her about this heartfelt dedication. In response, the daughter scoffed and said it meant nothing to her. She said that a meager book could never make up for all she'd lost in those years of her mother not being there for her. Moving Story of the New Muslim A young woman had accepted Islam and fell sick shortly thereafter and was hospitalized. Her new Muslim companions would gather at her bedside reciting Holy Qur'an and keeping her company. One day one of the Muslims was reciting Qur'an and the woman was in a state of apparent agitation. When asked what was wrong, the sick woman responded by saying that it was hard to concentrate because she didn't know whom to listen to. “What do you mean?” her friends asked. She said to the one reciting Qur'an, “Should I listen to you or should I listen to them?” Her Muslim friend said, “I'm the only one reciting.” The woman replied, “I hear someone else saying these verses: {O reassured soul, return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him]. And enter among My [righteous] servants. And enter My Paradise} (Al-Fajr, 89:27-30). A moment later, she died. A Parent's Love When I watched Oprah, the angry daughter's words to her mother affected me deeply. I nearly cried. I wished I could reach out to the daughter and tell her that she should apologize to her mother. She owed far better treatment to the woman who had carried her for nine long months and endured agonizing labor pains. I wanted to tell her, “If your mother had done only that, how could you repay her for even a single contraction she suffered birthing you?” Our Lord commanded us to show humility, mercy, and submission to our parents, to honor and respect them, and to not even utter a word of disrespect or raise our voices when speaking to them. Time and again we read verses about Allah's mercy and forgiveness. Hearing about the previous story of this young new Muslim woman gives us a glimpse into the vast world of Allah's compassion for His servants. The story of this girl who heard verses of the Holy Qur'an at her deathbed brought tears to my eyes. I long to hear those Divine words recited to me. As I reflected on my life and my shortcomings, I wondered if I'd be given that gift. What was it, I wondered, that she had done that pleased Allah so much that she earned this momentous blessing? Was there something — anything — that I could do to earn something similar? How had she been with her parents? I thought of my parents and of their love. To the daughter of a career woman or the son of an absent father, you do have every right to hurt, to cry, to wish things were different, and even to feel that your father or mother fell short in their responsibilities to you. But, keep in mind: Parents are not angels. Parents are not without sin. And parents, of a certainty, are riddled with faults. Rest assured, dear friend, that Allah knows what you've endured. Allah knows your pain. Allah knows the hurt you nurse in your heart. Even if you suffered at their hands, even if your childhood was not perfect, what harm would it do to still honor and respect them?
“But she was never there for me.” “He was always gone.” “Why didn't he try harder?” “My parents should listen more.” Now look at it from another perspective. What about falling short in our responsibilities to our parents? We expect our parents to provide, support, to be kind, to “be there”, to love, to overlook regardless…. ….Of our temper tantrums, sudden outbursts, and tumultuous teens…. Regardless of our tendency to rarely reach out to them or ask how they are feeling. So in those moments of hurt, when reflecting on the wrongs of one's parents, why not pray for them? Why not ask Allah to forgive them? Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “Verily, on the Day of Resurrection, Allah has slaves to whom He will neither speak nor purify nor look at.” When asked who these people were, among them was the person “who abandons his parents” (Ahmad). There are few of us who utter prayers asking Allah's mercy for our parents, but so many of us who endlessly recount their faults. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that one of the signs of the Last Day is that a slave girl will give birth to her master. It seems that this time is upon us, at least figuratively. A mother is given orders by her child. A father is scolded and criticized for his faults. What would a disrespectful, ungrateful child say on the Day of Judgment? Could the list of your parents' transgressions that you have compiled be of any benefit to your soul on that day? Perhaps, if you had said to your career mother or absent father, “I love you and will honor you still”, it would be the cause for Allah's mercy upon you and for your abode in Paradise. Perhaps, when your time to die comes, because of your good deeds towards your parents you will hear a voice from above saying, {O reassured soul, return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him], and enter among My [righteous] servants. And enter My Paradise.} And perhaps your mother and father will enter with you.
— Umm Zakiyyah (Ruby Moore) is the internationally acclaimed American author of the If I Should Speak trilogy. She lived as an American expat in Riyadh for seven years. Her books are available at Jarir bookstores and stores online. To find out more, visit ummzakiyyah.com or subscribe to Umm Zakiyyah's YouTube channel at youtube.com/uzreflections.
