THE Misyar marriage is a type of marriage in which a woman waives many of the rights she would otherwise get in a regular marriage contract. Misyar is held in secret due to the circumstances of one of the spouses. When Misyar first came into effect, its purpose was to protect the honor of the woman and give her the opportunity to get married in a way that protects her from social traditions that are sometimes harmful or inapplicable to her situation. Nowadays, however, the Misyar marriage is a snare to use and manipulate one of the spouses. The Misyar marriage becomes a method of blackmail and the conditions written in it are not respected because the marriage is carried out in secrecy. A researcher on the effects of this type of marriage has revealed that the time this marriage allows the couple to be together is very limited and that people only revert to such a marriage to satisfy their pleasures and run away from the responsibilities of a real marriage.
Done on whim Abeer Saleh was left confused when her husband suddenly disappeared. They were married for less than a month. “It was a hard time for me because my parents blamed me for marrying a disrespectful man who takes a marriage contract so lightly. I tried to contact him many times but he would never answer his phone or return my calls,” she said. Despite everything that he put her through, Abeer still waited for her husband to return. She later found out that he never intended to marry and fulfill the contractual obligation with her. “He had a first wife who was in labor when he left me,” she said, adding that her intentions in marrying him had been good. When Abeer refused to move out of the rented house she was in until he provided her with permanent housing, he quickly agreed to comply as it was one of the written conditions of their marriage contract.
Constant care It seems that the purpose of Misyar is to never let the first wife nor her parents know about the second wife. Some women agree to live under such conditions but sometimes life reveals things that were supposed to be hidden. That was what happened to Abu Abdullah when his wife surprised him with her pregnancy. This was the start of their fights and struggles. Abu Abdullah saw that he was not ready to bear the responsibility of the child. “I saw her pregnancy as a violation of a spoken agreement between us even though it was not written in the legal marriage contract. I believe she wanted to get pregnant in order to further cement our contract and give me a biological reason to stay with her,” he said while admitting he was terrified of his first wife finding out about his secret marriage.
Birth certificate Um Mohannad spoke of a situation that her friend underwent. Her friend agreed to marry a coworker in secret so his first wife wouldn't find out. She became pregnant within months after their Misyar marriage. When her husband found out he divorced her immediately and was extremely furious about it. She then went straight to his first wife and revealed the truth of the situation and demanded that her husband at least sign the birth certificate of the child. When he refused to do so, she went to the court to file a lawsuit. But her papers are still pending in court. Failed trials Abu Abdulrahman confessed that he had a number of failed Misyar unions. He said that both spouses fully understand the risks they are taking when signing up for such a marriage, but yet the contract fails due to unforeseen circumstances. “I always make the same mistake — when I start to bring up the idea of introducing another wife in the household, my first wife immediately gets angry and threatens to leave the house and abandon her responsibility toward the kids.” An intruding behavior Abdulrahman Bin Ahmad Alzahrani, a faculty member at Umm Al-Qura University, proposed some solutions that could prevent the dangers of Misyar. He suggested that a committee of members from the Ministry of Social Affairs, the municipality and the Ministry of Justice must be established to revise and review these marriage contracts. “Both parties should be fully aware of the responsibilities and consequences of the decisions they are taking regardless of their motives. They should be ready and knowledgeable about things such as sickness, poverty, long travel, pregnancy, birth, death and inheritance. Finally, they should both sign that they fully consent to face any consequences. “Misyar will never be the ideal marriage solution as it is not a good example of what a lawful and loving marriage should look like. Misyar is not even a solution for spinsters; it is just like pouring salt on a wound.w We need real solutions to solve the issues of our social traditions and we need to study the roots of these issues,” he added.
