Saudi Gazette report “When we see a new generation, we pray to God to shower His mercy on the generation that preceded it,” goes the popular Arabic saying that sums up the behavioral issues in the new generation — especially during the adolescent period — when many teens develop a rebellious attitude that even the most skilled parents have trouble dealing with. Parents are often unable to understand the defiant attitude of teenagers who often see no major role for their parents and other family members in their lives. Every parent dreads having to hear “Leave me, this does not concern you. I am now grown up and I know what I am doing”, a phrase rebellious teens love to use. A number of behavioral experts, academics and parents were interviewed by Al-Riyadh Arabic daily for their advice on how to handle rebellious teens. All were in agreement that parents, regardless of the circumstances, should stay calm and behave in a friendly manner with their children and also stressed the importance of addressing behavior problems in a diplomatic way. Proper understanding Ahmed Salem, a father of two teenage boys, said he has had to deal with rebellious behavior from his eldest son ever since he started going to high school. “I lost control over him three months after he joined high school. Perhaps this is due to the influence of his classmates, in addition to some problems pertaining to adolescence,” he said. “I sat with my six children and had an extensive dialogue with them about their desires, priorities and interests. I stressed that each one of them should develop their unique personality.” Suleiman Al-Qahtani, another parent, said his grown-up children are not paying any heed to his advice. “The new generation pays no attention to customs and traditions nor do they have any consideration for elders. There is no use in trying to reason or even talk to them,” he said. He added that while teenagers still rely on money from their parents to meet their expenses, they refuse to listen to them. “They all say the same thing ‘It's none of your business. We are grown up'.” Saleh Al-Yahya, a middle school teacher, said parents should exercise caution when dealing with their teenage sons and daughters in this age of social media. “Parents should demonstrate their affection to their children, especially in their adolescence period, and try to develop a proper understanding of them and their problems. If they take a negative approach toward their problems or even avoid them, then the children will embrace the Internet and social networking sites not only as their parent and friend but also their home as well,” he said. “When some teenagers display tendencies that highlight their masculine or feminine aspects, parents either fail to see the changes in the growing child or see it as a rebellion or disobedience, and respond to them either with abusive words or beatings. This is counterproductive.” Al-Yahya said many fathers are influenced by their fathers who were very strict while raising them. In their treatment with children, these fathers see themselves as bosses who try to punish those who disobey them. “In such a scenario, children see themselves as the oppressed and they start demonstrating rebellious attitudes and eventually the real ‘fighting' begins at home. Teenagers should be given their due rights and freedom of choice. Parents must address their problems with calmness, patience and fairness.” Friendly approach Wafa Waili, a community expert, said the most common phrase parents hear from their adolescent sons is “it's none of your business.” This happens most often when parents interfere in their affairs by deciding what their priorities in life should be, what sort of clothes they should wear and the type of friends they should have. The list is endless but such interference will eventually lead to a lack of respect and disobedience on the part of children toward their parents and this defiant position will reach a climax during the adolescent period, she said while emphasizing that parents should be attentive to the genuine demands of their children and try to establish strong rapport with them through friendly behavior and recognizing the fact that they are no longer children but grown-up people. Give consideration, be gentle Muhammad Mohaisi, professor of education at Jazan University, said that adolescence is a phase during which fast changes take place in both physical and psychological features of children. “Therefore, adolescents should be dealt with utmost care. A teenager is exposed to heterogeneous sensations and sometimes holds misconceptions. They are always in quest of freedom and eager to get out of the narrow borders set by their parents.” Mohaisi advised parents to pay more attention to their teenage children, show them love and affection, be accommodating, give advice kindly, instill confidence in them and reassure them that they have equal importance in the family like all other members.
