SEGHAYER Heading home after a short trip abroad, I could not resist the urge to write about an issue that needs immediate attention and casts a negative image on Saudi society. But before I tell you what that issue is, I will try to give a snapshot of a situation, and then tell how I read and interpreted it. The issue I refer to is that foreigners in Saudi Arabia often find it difficult to gain access to the Saudi social sphere. The Saudi government says that there are around eight million foreign residents in the Kingdom. Some come from Arabic-speaking countries, but the majority come from Asian countries, while others come from Europe and North America. In my opinion, expatriates living in the Kingdom rarely have contact with the people of Saudi Arabia on a social level. A Western man shared with me his first impressions shortly after he arrived in the Kingdom: “Seeing the high concrete walls built around the Saudi houses made me feel that Saudis do not tend to open up to outsiders.” That is partially true, I responded, but I added that this seemingly unwelcoming sign is true too even among Saudis themselves. To further demonstrate my point, let me elucidate that the relationships of Saudis within the family and between family and society at large are subject to certain social values and family structures, which can be traced back, and are rooted in, the very nature of the Arabian tribal system. One really does not need to take a much closer look to find that in Saudi society, the family comes first and is considered the most important social institution. As such, an individual in Saudi society regards his or her family as the main basis of identity and status. Therefore, members of these families tend to form alliances with other families that share common interests and lifestyles, and individuals tend to socialize only within the circle of these family alliances. This explains why Saudi social life does little to furnish a fertile ground for building relationships between Saudis and expatriate societies, much less paving the way to easier access to the Saudi social sphere. In this respect, a friend of mine on the night of his final departure from Saudi Arabia told me: “One sad thing that I take with me as leave this country is the fact that, after spending many years in Saudi Arabia, I could not make close enough contact with the Saudi people” One has to admit that this social phenomenon is not an admirable characteristic of Saudi society. However, the situation is not entirely as hopeless as one might think. True enough, it does take time and effort to gain better access to the people of Saudi Arabia. Once they get to know a person better, however, Saudis will welcome that individual and strive to develop further ties with him or her and the rest of his or her family, whether that family is in the Kingdom or back home. My contention is based on the fact that Saudi society values the display of generosity, hospitality, friendliness, and warmth, emotions that often translate into welcoming others to establish constructive relationships with them. The Western man I mentioned earlier said: “After living for a while in Saudi Arabia, I have changed my first impression that I shared with you shortly after arriving in this country.” He further added: “When both my family and I came to know some Saudi families, we invited them occasionally to have dinner with us. They, in return, would invite us to wonderful desert picnics. These acquaintances were a chance for us to know closely the social side of Saudi people. I assure you, however, that no one rushed up with invitations when we first got here. But once we became closer, we introduced them to our holiday celebrations, and they introduced us to their elaborate weddings.” So, the rule of thumb is not to rush things and allow the initial ice to be broken naturally. (The writer is a Saudi academic who can be reached at [email protected]) __
