Americans celebrated their independence day on the fourth of this month, while the French will celebrate their national holiday today which they call the Bastille Day, and on the 23rd of this month, the Egyptians will celebrate their Revolution Day. I want to say to each reader “Congratulations on your independence day”, unless he is married, in which case, please ignore this greeting! It is said that one woman told her husband: Today is our anniversary. What should we do to mark the occasion? Her husband replies suggesting they observe a minute of silence and grieve. Of course, he is grieving over the loss of his personal freedoms, but in any case, this is not true. Joking and humor apart, women, especially Arab or Muslim women, lose much more freedoms by marrying than their male counterparts, and are held much more accountable in comparison to their husbands. Another woman this time did not ask her husband how they should celebrate their anniversary, but simply suggested that he slaughter a sheep in celebration. But the man replied: why should we punish the sheep for a crime committed by a donkey? Laugh and be grateful, as they say: Did the woman think when she got married that she will end up as a blob of meat and fat sitting on a couch in front of the television, eating and burping, and not doing any exercise except when she bends down to pick up the remote control when it falls down? I also read somewhere that the lover, or fiancée, is like chocolate: delicious at any time, and that the male lover, or the fiancé, is like pizza, in that he can be had with a little seasoning. The husband however, is like rice, eaten only in the absence of anything else good to eat. But then I do not know which is more fake, celebrating a political independence, a revolution, the liberation of a prison with no inmates, or celebrating a wedding anniversary. The so-called American Revolution was one of Englishmen against other Englishmen, who drank the famous tea in Boston, and then the White House was burnt down. Then the English «colonialists» had barely left when the new United States formed a strong alliance with Britain - which was still great in those days - that has lasted to this day. As for the Bastille as a symbol of the tyranny of the French monarchy, that is merely a lie, confirmed by the fact that rebels stormed it and found no one there except for an old man, who no longer remembered why he was in prison in the first place. This lie is also equivalent to another lie, which is the words attributed to Queen Marie Antoinette when she heard that the people are hungry and said: let them eat biscuits. This is now known to be historically inaccurate and that the Queen did not say these words. Then there is the Egyptian revolution, with most of its participants and witnesses still alive: It began as a military coup and not a revolution, but perhaps it turned into a revolution, then, thanks to the charisma of Gamal Abdel Nasser. However, the July 23 revolution of 1952 was not of the same kind of revolutions the Egyptian people had made against the English. Will I be accused of blasphemy if I said that all Arab countries are still under the yoke of British colonialism, or even the French or Italian colonialism? But in those days we used to be able to blame external parties for our problems, but today there is no scapegoat that can be held responsible for our failure but our own hands. In all cases, enough politics and depressing news, and let's go back to marriage. I have collected for the happily married reader – because his wife told him that he is indeed happy – the following: - Before marriage, the fiancé spends the night thinking about everything that his betrothed told him, and after marriage, he falls asleep before she finishes her first sentence. - He told her that he is willing to go to hell for her sake, then they got married and she made him taste hell. - Men become smarter when leaving the house since they are now outside the range of coverage. - She was awakened by a noise at night and told her husband to get up and check it; perhaps there is a [male] burglar in the lounge. He replied: you get up; it could be a [female] burglar. - She was walking with her lover, and told him: Tell me anything to increase my heart rate. He said: Your brother is walking behind us. - She asked her husband for divorce, so the judge asked her why, and she said: I am confident that he is cheating on me because we have three children and none of them looks like him. - Her only hope to catch a man is to work as an air hostess, where the men are all tied with belts to the seats. - She told her mother that her father asked her to give her place to another young lady standing in the bus, and the mother replies: that is nice. The girl replied: but I was sitting on daddy's lap. Finally, Nancy Ajram and Haifa Wehbi got married. Congratulations. I heard that Nancy's little daughter was weeping in the nursery, saying: "I want Mummy, I want Mummy!” The teacher told her: “Be silent! We all want your Mummy, but we are silent and patient”.
