They waited for him in the room. It was an urgent meeting, and no one could predict what items were on the agenda. Those present were the chief of staff, the head of the intelligence services with his blue file, the director of general security, the commander of the guards, the minister of information, and a handful of advisors. They waited for him in silence and awe. They plastered a wide smile on their faces and wished that he will be in a placid mood today. As soon as he entered, he heard the military salutes. The civilians waved with their eyes, teeth, and hands. He was silent for a while, as was his habit. It was obvious that he had not slept. He looked at the eyes of the persons who were present, as if he was letting them know that he knew what went on under their skin; as if he was warning them. Then he started the meeting. “You know that my people loves me, and that if I were to agree, all the country's young men would carry my name. I am the maker of the country's glory and the builder of its revival. I have turned an ordinary land into a masterpiece. You know that close and remote countries are consumed by envy, and that their rulers are embarrassed before their people. We are the torch and the model, and they envy your security and your stability. They envy you for my presence. This is where the conspiracy begins.” He sipped some water and went on: “I can leave now and go reside in history books. Those who are already there would envy me and pledge allegiance to me as their leader. Not one of them has done what I have achieved. I am the master of record-breaking. I entered the Guinness book for many reasons, and my name will always be special in it. And yet, I cannot leave. You will become once again an ordinary, or less-than-ordinary people, living in an ordinary, or less-than-ordinary country. I have to stay, because of history, the spirit of the nation, the legitimacy of the revolution, the prayers of mothers, and the eyes of children.” He added: “I summoned you for a reason. I will not hand over the country to those who suffer from hallucinations. I will not bow to foreign interference. The opposition is led by a strange general that was manufactured abroad: General Mobile Phone. The same can be said about his senior assistant, General Internet; and also General Facebook, Colonel Twitter, Colonel YouTube. Where are the Arab names? This is a blatant foreign intervention at the service of Zionism. Names are revelatory, and so I order the confiscation of all mobile phones with no exception. The country is ruled by the historic leader, not by General Mobile Phone. This order shall be effective immediately.” The persons present exchanged admiring glances at their leader's wisdom and accurate analysis. They hid their deep contempt of his mad request. The chief of staff suppressed a fit of laughter. He pictured the army invading the country and searching for mobile phones. The leader broke the silence and said, “Experience has shown that the foreign forces take advantage of Fridays to launch protests and demonstrations. This day has become a breach through which they pass to misguide the generations that grew in the shadow of the revolution. This is unacceptable. This dirty game will stop after this meeting: protests, demonstrations, tents, and young people raising signs that say “Leave!”.” He hit the table with his palm. “Who is the son of (…) who has the right to address the leader in this way and appear on TV and call me the oppressor? Based on historic and revolutionary legitimacy, and the necessity of protecting the gains and deterring the enemies, imperialism, and Zionism, I declare that Fridays shall be crossed out from calendars as of today. Yes, people will get accustomed to six-day weeks, and we shall ward off the machinations of the invaders in their abyss.” The air became heavier all of a sudden. The leader removed his eyeglasses and said, “Did you see the traitors? Those same ones whose shoulders I covered with stars and swords? I showered them with riches, and they showered me with pledges of allegiance. They are exposing their betrayal on TV – on Al Arabiya and Al Jazeera. They claim to seek reform, change, the people's [interests], and democracy, after they drank the regime's cup down to the last drop before they suddenly discovered that it was corrupt. Those ambassadors to whom we offered a pleasant life abroad felt a sudden love for the people and for transparency overnight. They thus followed General Mobile Phone. The people will not forgive them and will hang them in public squares to feed the hungry vultures.” He regained his composure and put back his glasses. “I consulted the fortuneteller yesterday. She does not lie. I have tried her time and again, and I am sure of her allegiance. She said that spring has changed, and that it is no longer the month of flowers, basil, and birds. The enemies have ruined it. It has become a season for rats and deformed horizons. It is now the spring of change, protests, and interventions. As of today, spring shall be no more. The year will consist of three seasons, and people will get accustomed to this. These decisions shall be effective immediately.” The head of the intelligence services left the room perturbed. The leader used to consider fate as his permanent ally – but fate turns one day for you, and one day against you. He used to rejoice when Al Jazeera railed against his enemies, but today it bothers him as it rails against him. The colonel realized how difficult it would be to shorten a week and eliminate a season. He closed the door and left.
